The (Mostly) True Adventures of Double C

In Dreams

2011-03-08T13:32:00.003-06:00

I have been having some very odd, vivid dreams recently. The first stemmed from one of my best friends having a birthday and this was the first in several years that we didn't travel to Las Vegas to celebrate.

In the dream, I was visiting him at his home in Steamboat Springs, Colorado where he owns a bar. But, he had decided to change the business model from a swanky niteclub to a frozen daiquiri bar. In a ski town. He had already concocted a few specialty cocktails- the Catfish (my nickname for him) was Dreamsicle flavored with a frozen cherry flavored floater. It featured a cherry jello shot in the shaped of a fish "swimming" in the bottom and was topped with six cherries, the stems were the whiskers. It was really quite beautiful.

I attempted to dissuade him from moving forward with this new venture, but he had already purchased 15 frozen daiquiri machines.

The second strange dream stems from falling asleep watching Chelsea Lately and waking up to a Charlie Sheen special. Last time I fall asleep watching E!

In the dream, I met Charlie Sheen at a mall, he asked my opinion of a shirt he was considering purchasing and we just started talking. He invited me to go to a summer camp with him. You can't turn down an offer like that... so, we went to camp. We went horseback riding and made crafts. At one point we took an innocent bubble bath together, because that's what you do at summer camp with Charlie Sheen. Duh. We became great friends and he cried when camp was over. He was a really nice guy in the dream, I woke up feeling sorry for him.

Reds

2011-02-14T13:26:00.004-06:00

When I was about 16, I was single on Valentine's Day. I had just broken up with a guy, or more accurately, he had been seeing someone else for most of our "relationship" and I found out about it. I was upset and hurt that a lot of people I had considered to be my friends had known about the other girl and didn't tell me. So, Valentine's Day comes along and everyone was going out but I declined to join them because the ex and his new girl would be at the same party.

I was set to spend the night home alone, locked i

n my room listening to the same song on repeat and writing shitty, angsty teen poetry but my best friend Ewic had other plans for me. I was home alone, so I almost didn't even answer the door because I figured it was a neighbor looking for my parents. But, when I did, I saw Ewic holding a single red rose, a pack of Marlboro Reds, and a 6-pack of Budweiser. He said something corny like, "All my favorite Red's favorite reds."

He skipped the party to hang out with me.

I've been thinking about Ewic a lot recently. I've been going through some stuff and I really wish I could call him, he was always my first phone call when I was upset. I miss him terribly, but I'm thankful for memories like this that remind me what an awesome friend I had.

Honey Badger Don't Care!

2011-02-13T10:50:00.000-06:00

Patios, Puke, and Panties

2010-12-22T16:59:00.004-06:00

Back me up here, pet owners, there is one sound that will wake you from the deepest of sleeps. I don't care if you are passed out drunk, under the heavy influence of sleeping aids, or in a damn coma; you hear the cough-gag-retch of your furry four-legged BFF and you bolt straight up and are at full attention.

I can sleep through my alarm, phone ringing, dog jumping on the bed, hurricanes... but that distinct cough-retch-gag... I am UP. This morning it jolted me out of a "sleeping aid + head cold + 3 hrs shitty sleep the night before" slumber. I shot straight up, grabbed Auggie and scrambled. Shit. I'm on the 3rd floor. There is no way in hell I can leash her and get her downstairs in time. What the hell do I do? I've been awake all of 20 seconds, so my thought process is a little off.

I run into the bathroom and held her over the sink. That immediately seemed like a stupid idea. It was. She just wiggled and moved her head around no where in the vicinity of the sink. Think, Dummy! Toilet! I puke in the toilet, why shouldn't a dog?

She didn't like being held over the toilet any more than she liked being aimed over the sink. Bathtub! No... think! Oh, balcony!

I run to the balcony, sling the door open and as soon as she hits the ground- vomit! Yes! I am a genius! A genius in her underwear, standing on the balcony with the loud sounds of doggie vomit to attract the attention of the group of kids in the parking lot.

Good morning.

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow....

2010-08-06T03:55:00.002-05:00

Dear Tuaca,

This is hard enough as it is, please don't make this awkward.

Sigh.

We've had the best of times, and the worst of times. I still remember that day (night) in Denver when we first met. I was young and lonely and you were looking to make a name for yourself and free. Oh, so free. We were a match made in heaven. Sweet, vanilla-caramel heaven.

You and I have been together, thick and thin, for about seven years (This may be inaccurate: I suck at math). You didn't always complete my needs, so I sometimes asked for your friend Redbull to join us. Thank you for understanding and not making that into more than what it was.

We had a good run, Tuaca. I'm going to miss you. There will be times when I speak your name instead of your yet-to-be-decided-replacement. No one said this would be easy.

I just want you to know that it's not you, it's me. Somehow, I've just outgrown what we had. I don't know what changed, but you made me physically sick twice tonight. I think we've just both come to a point in our lives in which it would benefit both of us to part ways.

I hope there are no hard feelings, Tuaca. And I"m not saying this is the end... who knows... we may find each other again down the road... but for now... for now, this is best.

xoxo
-c

Dream on

2009-08-03T10:09:00.001-05:00

I don't always remember my dreams, but when I do they're pretty ridiculous.

Last night I had a dream that I somehow went back in time and my family and I were on a vacation in New Orleans the day before Katrina would hit. Of course, no one would believe me that shit was about to hit the fan and we needed to get the hell out of Dodge. I was torn between abandoning them in search of my own safety or going down with them.

There was also a part in the dream where we were at a restaurant and wanted coffee, but our server refused to make any for us. We got into a very heated argument about this in which he said I could come back tomorrow and he would make coffee which just further frustrated me because I knew the whole city would be destroyed tomorrow and no one would believe me.

Auggie was with us on the trip (I guess puppies can time travel, too) and as the storm was coming in, she turned into a raccoon and started doing sign language to tell me she was hungry. I wasn't able to feed her in a timely enough fashion, so she BIT my lower stomach. It hurt so much it woke me up... or maybe I woke myself up yelling "OW! OW! OW!" Once I realized Auggie was not a raccoon and at the foot of the bed no where close to my stomach and the sharp pain ceased... I knew there was no chance of falling back to sleep and I should just get up and make my own damn coffee.

Guess Who's Back?

2009-07-30T01:54:00.002-05:00

Remember like eight months ago when I was obsessed with Jones Big Ass Truck Rental and Storage? I thought the first "commercial" was so hilarious and I made you all watch it. It still makes me laugh... a lot.

Well, someone remembered my obsession with Mr. Jones and sent me a link to his newest effort:

http://www.jonesgoodassbbqandfootmassage.com/

Pee-Pee!

2009-06-02T14:19:00.003-05:00

This one probably only pertains to the ladies. I know it's happened to all of you- you're mid stream in a public restroom and realize you picked the stall with no toilet paper and you're all alone. You have two viable options: risk doing the pants around the ankle sprint to the next stall without getting caught or waiting it out until someone comes to your rescue. Classy lady that you are, you decide to wait it out.

No matter how long you wait, there is no greater relief than the sound of the bathroom door opening and your new personal hero coming in to pass you a ridiculous amount of tp under the stall door.

Hero of the Day: Toilet Paper Savior

I'm Bringing Blogging Back

2009-06-01T14:11:00.001-05:00

So, you may have noticed I haven't been blogging much recently. It's because I don't love you. No, not really. I've just been busy.

Anyway, every month the good folks over at NaBloMoPo send me an email inviting me to participate in their month-long themed blogging. The past few subjects have been lame, so I've ignored them. June's theme, however, is heroes. I can get on board with that.

I'm four days behind, so I'm going to throw a couple quick ones in to catch up, then I'm committed to the rest of the Hero Month.

Hero of the day: The guy that made "hero" the theme for June! Kudos to you, good sir. Or ma'am.

Clutch City

2009-05-22T05:16:00.002-05:00

Ohhh.... Mattress Mack! I heart you. I really, really, really heart you. I hope that this is not what I think it is....

Wow.

Why would you open a new location after ALL THESE YEARS.... then... suddenly... fire... hmmm.....

Random Astros Stuffs/Sheer Heart Attack

2009-05-01T03:46:00.001-05:00

The bar was pretty dead tonight (YEA!!, Rockets!) , so I clocked out and sat with some "regulars" (we've only been open a week) and they recognize a friend, call him over and talk turns to Astros . My coworker mentions that I'm somewhat fanatical about the Astros. And Guy says; "Oh, I know a Puma! Maybe I can talk to him." I say, "Really? Could you? Who do you know?" He says Bubba. I looooooove Bubba! For those of you keeping score at home: Bubba is the "head puma" and all-around-awesome guy. I had actually been sending him "Woohoo!" texts all night while I was watching the Rockets' game... which I'm sure annoyed the shit out of him.

So, I finally tell Guy that I know Bubba, and in fact have been known to (proudly) 'Puma Suit up' on occasion myself. Guy and I call (bug) Bubba (again!) to let him know how famous he is AND that he's bringing strangers together... haa

So, that was the randomness... on to the heart attack:

I get home and free Auggles from out of the bathroom... she runs outside to pee-pee, I feed her again and go to change into my pjs. As I'm walking away, Auggles picks up my cell phone off of the couch and hauls ass out the back door. F..ks! I yell NOOO at her, and I thought she dropped my cell phone, but I had to pee-pee myself, so I honestly wasn't paying attention.

She's usually pretty good about coming when I call her, so after my pee-pee I continue into the bedroom to change clothes and sporadically call her. I really don't think much about it, she doesn't have her collar on, so there is no jingles and I have the bedroom door closed...

After I have changed into my (brother's) old Jr High track sweat pants and a wife beater, I walk back out to the living room and call Auggie. No response.

Skip ahead mins 20 mins- I'm in tears... can't find my Auggie!

The side gate is open and she's not responding when I call, which is totally atypical of her, she's a titty-baby. Usually at my feet 24/7. If she goes to play in the backyard and I call her she comes right away. I am FREAKING OUT. (Add to this that RhoJo's doggie just died; so I'm extra sensitive)

I remember that she ran off with my phone... maybe someone is online and they can call my phone (assuming she still has the phone...)

I have two friends in the green on the FB: Bubba and Robbey (whom I haven't seen since HS). I frantically type to both of them asking if they are still actually awake. Robbey is, Bubba is not (or is still annoyed with me for bothering him all night)

Robbey responds and repeatedly calls my cell phone like a champ and leaves voicemails because that ringtone is louder that the call tone until I FINALLY track down my BAD little girl three streets over with my damn cell phone in her mouth! I had to carry Ms Aug back home and she alternated between being scared and cowering and trying to escape again and scratched the shit out of my chest and stomach.

So... apologies to all the neighbors that I'm positive I woke up screaming (and crying) "AUUUUUUUUUUUGIEEE!". Apologises to Bubba for bothering him all night. THANK YOU ten million- billion-zillion times to Robbey for hanging up on an important call to help me and my baybeh. And most importantly: apologies to Jeff for missing his call :( because renegade Auggles had my phone and I missed it. (maybe that's revenge for calling her dumpster puppy? haha)

What I've been doing for the past 30 days in pictures:

2009-04-14T12:33:00.017-05:00

(Click on pictures to enlarge)

Viva Las Vegas!
I was lucky enough to be able to celebrate one of my best friend's birthday with him in Las Vegas this March. Even though Scott had invited me in back in December, I had forgotten (damn you, alcohols) and it was a last minute trip. I booked the flight three days before the trip with help from an old Coex coworker and the most expensive SWA flight I've ever taken. But, I love my Catfish and I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Because there isn't enough going on in Vegas, we created a new game called "Vegas Slugbug". It basically involved picking a tourist sterotype a day (Nascar jackets, hawaiian shirt, etc) and punching the snot out of your friends if you're the first one to spot an infraction. Unless you're me. Then you squeal and point and get punched on both arms by your friends.

The Bar & Niteclub convention was also in town, so we took advantage of that and went to the Flair competetion and drank free (nasty) 3 Olives Vodka. Seriously, grape flavored vodka? They're just doing it wrong.

Johnson Wedding/Rhondy & Brother Visit Weekend
I was already BFFs with Sarah when Ben was born, so I've literally known him his whole life. I remember him crawling around our house in his little Superman onesie, so it was amazing to see him all grown up standing at the alter.

The best part about my brother coming into town is getting together with all of his friends. The worst part about my brother coming to town is that I always gain about 10 pounds from all the food and booze. As an added bonus, Rhondy was also in town for a different wedding, so I got to spend time with her, too!

Seattle

Seattle has been on my short list of US cities that I really want to visit but haven't for years. One of my other best friends Robin lives up there and when I saw that SWA was running a "Super Seattle Sale", I called her immediately to invite myself up for a visit. I flew up during her Spring Break (Woooo!) and thus began Robin & Ceci's Northwest Adventure.

Robin is the best tour guide ever! She points out everything, things I didn't even know to look for. Like hot dogs with cream cheese. Don't knock it till you try it. They. Are. Amazing.

I got to meet Oscar, the cutest weiner/chihuahua mix EVER, and some of Robin's awesome friends. We had an early morning fire drill, saw the Deadliest Catch boat, Space Needle, met Sammy Drain, and did I mention hot dogs with cream cheese?

Also, I got to catch up with two of my Houston friends! My friend Jana lives in Ballard and a few days later we met up with Jeff, who was randomly driving through Ellensburg while I was there. Small world, huh?

Opening Day(s)!

You all know I'm somewhat of an Astros fanatic, so I shouldn't have to tell you how ridiculously excited I was for Opening Day. So exited that we showed up at Minute Maid Park about 8 hours before the game.

After the Opening Day festivites we waited in line and were the first to enter... and I was the first to pee! The game didn't go very well, but we had fun because we are champions.

Oh, and I met Paul Wall. Does anyone know who he is?

2009-03-21T18:48:00.001-05:00

Testing mobile picture blog

STD (Shit To Do) * Not in chronological order*

2009-03-09T23:25:00.004-05:00

The boring list:

Find dress for Saturday's wedding (Weds or Friday)
Do not accumulate any more bruises, scratches, or boo-boos (and hope current ones fade) before wedding on Saturday
Hair cut/trim. (Weds? Early Thurs?)
Eye brows waxed (Weds? Early Thurs?)
Meeting with nice lady (Weds 11:15am)
Do not go to jail (Ever)
Community service (No idea)
Buy replacement cords for all the ones Auggie has used as chew toys
Get rid of this cold. Do I need antibiotics?
Update Auggie's blog (Coffee time?)
Rabies vaccination for Auggles so she can stay in the best pet hotel EVER while I'm at the wedding because everyone I know will be at the wedding and can't petsit. (Weds 2:45)
Give Otis a bath and vacuum.
Take Otis to shop and figure out why driver's side blinker will light up, but not blink and fix brake light. (I already tried replacing bulbs, it's a bigger problem than that.)
Also replace (glue) the rear view mirror than fell off of the windshield and scared the shit out of me.
Get Otis inspected.

The exciting list:

Pick up Wedding Date/World's Best Brother from airport (Thursday, noon o'clock)
Dinner, drinks, and live music with parentals and WBB (Thursday evening/night)
Watch Jacey get a pedicure or dinner or drinks or coffee or something (Weds evening)
Drinks with friend who will not be named because they don't comment on my blog (Later Weds night)
Kindly remind Scott to email me more than three pictures so I can blog about trip to Vegas.
Hopefully meet up with Rhondy if she's in town (Friday)
Spend lots of quality time with WWB and friends (Thurs-Mon)
Ben & Tiffani's wedding! (Saturday)
Get ready for Robin's Spring Break in Seattle!!
Find a new book to read because I FINALLY finished one today.
Come up with more exciting blog content

Ditziest Day Ever

2009-02-28T23:12:00.004-06:00

I was down by the Lakewood Summit Compaq Church this morning and thought, "Oh, shit, I bet traffic is going to be ridiculous." Then I remembered it was Saturday. One.

I spent about three hours on the phone trying to find a kennel that would be open tomorrow morning (Sunday) so I could drop off my lil Augster.

I met the nice lady from the shelter so Auggles could get her last round of shots because today is Saturday and that's when she's out in Katy. You would think that all that would have set me straight. Nope.

Then, I took Miss Auggie out to the OKT to borrow my parents' printer and they were on their way out the door to go run errands. (I like to show up unannounced) My dad tells me they're going to renew the registration for my mom's car. "Can you do that on a Sunday?" "It's Saturday." "Oh, yeah. Well, still... can you do that on a Saturday?" Two.

We get back to house and I walk halfway towards the mailbox and turn around and go into the house. Mail doesn't come on Sunday. Three.

I ask Robin how her weekend was. She says, "It's just starting, silly." Oh, yeah. Four.

I check postsecret and am confused/annoyed that they didn't post anything this week. Five.

On my way to Target (second time today, I'm a ditz and forgot pretty much everything I went there to purchase), I drive by the TJ Maxx to see what time they close. 8pm. Lame! Why does everything close so damned early on Sunday? Six.

Thitry minutes later, I'm at Target and Robin texts me to ask what kind of vodka she should buy. I type, "You can't buy liquor on Sunday, you dork"... erase it and send a nicer reply after realizing I am the one that is the dork. Seven.

I literally look at the time as soon as I send the text and head to the front of the store because I think Target is about to close... because I think they close at 9pm. Because I think it's Sunday. Eight.

I drive over to Kohls to see what time they close. 9pm. LAME!

I go across the street to Wal-Mart, park, and realize for the ninth time today that it is SATURDAY and Kohls is still open... turn around and go back over there and buy some cute shoes!

I also nearly panicked this morning when I couldn't find my keys in my purse after valet parking my truck. Later, I spent entirely too much time walking in circles around my house looking for those same keys that turned out to be in my pocket the whole time. (I usually hang them from the deadbolt of the front door) I don't know what my damn problem is... I blame waiting about an hour after I woke up to have coffee.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

2009-02-26T13:20:00.004-06:00

I'm pumped full of coffee and feel like I should blog. I don't know if anything good will come of it, but I'm going for it anyway.

I know I promised not to talk about the puppy, but I'm breaking that promise to say this: She's being a little butt. 98% of the time she is well behaved and adorable. 2% of the time she is OUT OF CONTROL. Read about it here. Also, she's growing so fast! She's all legs, she looks like an AT-AT Walker. (google it, non-geeks)

The lady I had the interview with last week called me this morning to offer me the job... a week later. I thanked her very much for the opportunity (to call the health department and have her shut down), but declined. She didn't understand. "Why? Did you get another job?" Yes, ma'am. "Don't you think you should have called and let me know?"

"I'm sorry, you said you would call me on Monday with a decision, when I didn't hear from you, I took it as an indication that you had filled the position."

"Well, thanks a lot. You've really put me in a bind here with your inconsideration."

Ok, fuck the high road, I'm done playing nice with this crazy person. "Ma'am, the truth is, I didn't accept another job offer. It's just, with all due respect, I do not feel like I would be a good fit for your establishment."

"This is a really easy job. A monkey could do it. I will train you." If I'm not going to use the high road, I might as well burn the bridge to it. "What?!? No, ma'am. Did you read my resume? Do you remember our interview? I know I am more than qualified for this position. I've managed places that brought in $70,000 weekly. No offense, but I doubt you'll see those numbers annually. Thank you for your time and good luck." I hang up.

WTF? I get up to refill my coffee and my phone rings. You have GOT to be kidding me. At this point all the other things I could have said are running through my head and I'm half tempted to answer and go at it again with her... but, I decide against it. I really wish she had left a voicemail so I could share it.

I hope that lady finds her monkey, I think it would be great friends with her rabbit.

Kitchen Nightmares

2009-02-20T10:28:00.004-06:00

Why do people with no restaurant experience open restaurants? This may be the case in other fields also... I don't know. I haven't interviewed out of this field in years. I just came from the worst interview ever with an owner that had no idea what she's doing.

I arrived ten minutes early and she was on the phone, she asked the caller to hold and asks if she can help me. When I introduce myself as her 9am interview, she looks at her watch and sighs. "You're early." The horror! I offer to wait outside if she'd like to finish her call in private. She continues her phone call, shocked, amazed, and annoyed that she cannot obtain a liquor license because she's within 1,000 feet of a school. Uh, first of all... this isn't a new law. Secondly, shouldn't you have looked into that before you bought/leased the property?

I'm browsing the menu and find two typos and a few grammatical headaches, also a few items that I cannot imagine anyone in their right mind ordering. The prices are reasonable. Almost too reasonable to turn a profit. She ends the phone call and is clearly still upset about her liquor license. Maybe this distracted her and resulted in her asking me every question you are not allowed to ask in an interview.

Including, but not limited to: How old are you? Do you have kids? Are you married? Can you work Sundays or do you attend church?

It was amazing. At this point I had already decided I was not interested in working at this establishment, but took the tour with her out of courtesy. There was a pet rabbit in the kitchen. I repeat: there was a LIVE RABBIT in the KITCHEN.

She had told me that the place had been open about a month, but they were waiting until they were fully staffed to 'announce that they existed'. I asked when the Grand Opening would be. "We're already open." Right, I'm sorry. I thought you said you had a soft opening and were planning a Grand Opening. "No. (looks at me like I just kicked her pet rabbit) We're already open. I have flyers I'm going to give out when we're fully staffed." Sigh.

Amazing.

What's on Gobbles' Head?

2009-02-12T01:46:00.000-06:00

If you love drunk dialing as much as I do- that's not sarcasm... I really do love it- dialing and receiving, you're going to love drunk picture messaging!

So, imagine my excitement when I heard the designated picture message ring tone at 1:30 in the morning, I knew it was going to be good. Except it was nothing. "Picture Message Failed!" I'm told, with a loud beep just in case I wasn't paying attention. I replied with a text to ask my buzzed little photog to try again. The phone rings, she can't figure out why it won't send. Maybe she can email me the picture from her phone, but I have to promise to put it on my blog.

I'm not one to break a promise, so I'd like you to meet Gobbles and his new hat that was bought for him in a bar bathroom. Ain't he cute?

What I Like About You (Just like Rhondy's post, but with pictures!)

2009-02-04T22:35:00.008-06:00

In keeping with my recent theme of ripping off everything Rhondy posts on her blog, I'm doing my own 'What I like about you' blog. In an attempt to be diplomatic, I'm just going to use the top few friends on that archaic social networking site called myspace. Apparently, it still exists! I'm also going to rip off Rhondy's foundation of a short intro and then a favorite memory.

Rhondy

Rhondy is my favorite. She's my BFFFFFF... FFFFF. She only has two faults: that she lives too far away from me and that she doesn't have a damn cell phone so I can't call or text her whenever I want. I love that she agrees to drive from Austin to Katy so we can drive to El Campo to see a band she's never actually heard, only heard about from me. That's just the kind of person she is. Although we have shared some pretty crazy adventures, she's usually the voice of reason when my Hurricane Law instinct starts urging me to do something really ridiculous like stealing a school bus or the really crazy shit I wanted to do when I was younger and wilder that probably is best not to mention. She's always been there when I've needed her (which is often), I still can't express what it meant to me when she dropped everything to drive to GranFreakingBury, Texas to accompany me to my Ewic's funeral.

Favorite Memory:
This is really hard because we've been friends for so many years. So, instead of just picking one, I'm going to list a bunch of inside jokes that will only make sense to us. "Get on my wavelength!" (jump), "Dirt. It was in a bag.", "Duff is homeless", Memorial City Hospitals are following the Wal-Mart rule, "Look, it's Brooks and Dunn", Hikin' Rhondy and the Flying Sellout Tortilla Sisters.... this could go on forever so I'll stop there. Just know that we are funnier and smarter than you.

Travis
Travis is my favorite brother. He has three faults: he lives too far away from me, he doesn't call me as often as he should, and he doesn't read my blog. So, someone will have to tell him about all the nice things I write about him. Other than that he's pretty much perfect. If you're lucky enough to know him you know that he is the smartest, funniest, good lookin'-iest, most generous, and most caring person you will probably ever meet in your life.

Favorite Memory:
Also hard because I've known him his whole life. I'm just going to go with the whole Hurricane Ike weekend, even though he passed up a free chance to stay a few extra days. Bastard. Also, the first night I came into Denver for his Graduation Weekend and he, Weido, Jake (who I also love, even though he's not on the list) and I were all in the Bronco singing (screaming) along to Roger Creager. I don't care how sappy this sounds, there's just something about singing lyrics like "Runnin' with your buddies who don't give a damn" and "Things look good around here" with three of your favorite people in the world. Memories like these are probably why I love Roger Creager so damn much. His songs remind me of my brubber.

Weido

Mark is my 'other brother'. He does all the 'guy stuff' I need help with since my brother lives a thousand miles away, like help me move and mow my lawn. He's probably wishing I would get a boyfriend so he would get let off the hook. Also, when I was managing a restaurant and was ridiculously short staffed, he came in and bartended for me on like a two hour notice. He's also HILARIOUS.

Favorite Memory:
I try to keep this blog as clean as possible, so it's hard to think of a Weido story to share... I already mentioned Ike and TW's Grad weekend (where he taught my grandmother how to play Flip Cup and relentlessly harassed a waiter to bring him Cambodian Breast Milk) so... I think I'll go with the time we went to the Midnite Rodeo and he wore my mom's headset the whole night, not connected to anything... but convinced people his dad owned the place and he was getting very important communications. Then had a dance-off with my brother. I thought we were going to get our asses kicked by some rednecks. OH! Or the time he convinced the band at Einsteins to let him get on stage and sing Hootie and the Blowfish.

Jacey
I've known Jacey since kindergarten. We're BBFs. I like to think that we played a pretty big part in each other's adolescence, especially the awkward Junior High years. Eek. Thankfully, we both survived and became the smart, funny, and all around awesome young ladies we are today. I know Rhondy already mentioned that Jacey is a ridiculous cook and host, but it should be repeated. When I was a nervous wreck counting the hours before my parent's surprise party, Jacey helped keep me in check.

Favorite Memory:
This might sound lame, but the day after RhoJo's party. We spent the whole day cooking, sipping (we were too hungover to go at it again full force), and talking. And looking at yearbooks. And picking on poor Dean, who didn't deserve any of it he was just outnumbered. I told you it might sound lame, but it wasn't. I promise.

Robin
Robin and I met because Rhondy was driving from Dallas to Katy during Allison and had Misty's phone, but failed to give me the number. (I love Rhondy, but when it comes to traveling and cell phones, she's retarded.) When the news showed me a firetruck floating on I45, I started to worry, so I stalked Misty's best friend Robin on the internet to IM her and ask her if she had Misty's number. She didn't. But, we've been IMing ever since. It's kind of sad, we even text each other to bug the other to get online... but, it's something I look forward to every day. And for the record, the picture I chose isn't an insult to Robin... I just know she doesn't like her face on the internet if it's not password protected. I have other pics I wanted to use, but thought I should ask her first.

Favorite Memory:
Geocaching was awesome. So was our trip to the zoo. And our bar hopping adventure to downtown Houston involving hottie in a tie, Robin jumping in the back of my truck while waiting for me to say goodbye to my new friend in the bar parking lot, Taco Cabana, and using a Port-a-Potty.

Andy

Andy and I also go way back to the Hutsell Hornet days of yore. He's nice, funny, and an amazing father to the most awesome two year old boy you've ever met. He's pretty good with the "Your Mom" jokes, but not as good as me. No one is, though. He's also pretty spontaneous, which is good if you want to try to keep up with me... it took little to no convincing for him to agree to stalk Roger Creager with me or to drive up to Denver to visit my favorite brother.

Favorite Memory:
Hmmmm... why are the memories so hard to narrow down? Last season's Astros home opener, chasing turkeys in Colorado and in Texas, BRAUMS!, treating a crowd of about five to every song about Texas we could find on karaoke night at a bar in Denver, staying up till the sun comes up drinking and laughing (on many occasions)

John Mack
The myth, the man, the legend. All you need to know about John Mack is that he rocks your face. (That's what she said) John Mack plays it by beer, or flask, whatever the case may be. Together, we have perfected the "Hug and Pour Maneuver" which involves one of us pouring the contents of a flask into the other's drink while appearing to onlookers that we're just sharing a hug. He also has a strange fascination with sausage biscuits...

Favorite Memory:
Mini Corn Dogs, many Astros games, X-Mas tree lighting, stalking (and naming) J-Dawg, Monday Night Football, talking about my blog...

Ok, that's it. Hope you liked it. If you didn't make the list, I'm sorry. Be nicer to me and maybe you'll make the next one. Which will be whenever Rhondy makes a new one. I just copy everything she does. That's just how I roll.

Brace Yourself for Dorkiness Overload

2009-02-03T13:18:00.004-06:00

Rhondy got a new web cam. Naturally, I wanted to get in on this. So, I'm calling out Rhondy, Robin (you can use puppets), and Jacey and declaring a video blogging war. Because anything worth doing is worth over doing.

Warning: this is probably only slightly humorous to Rhondy (or maybe to you if you watch hers first, but probably not). If you're at work or around kids, although I was making a conscious effort not to drop the F Bomb, I do say "shit" a few times.

And, of course, the follow up. It's dark. Sorry.

Also, Auggie has been posting videos!

Ground Hog Day

2009-02-02T02:01:00.003-06:00

You can read the backstory here, but basically all you need to know is that my mom doesn't send out a family newsletter at Christmas, she sends it out on Ground Hog Day. She's been doing it for almost 30 years. That's just how she rolls.

A few days ago she told me she was considering compiling a list this year, and asked if I wanted to write my own entry. I completely forgot about it until she reminded me at midnight. So, my list is not as witty as I'd had hoped it to be... mostly because I couldn't remember a damn thing that has happened since last February. And don't get too excited because I didn't have professional portraits done like I vowed after last year. (Did you read the backstory?)

Anyhoo.... clicky clicky to check out my mom's Ground Hog Day newsletter.

Weird Dreams Exclamation Point

2009-01-29T22:01:00.001-06:00

I had a dream the other night that everyone called out punctuation marks when speaking. Example: "Hello exclamation point How are you question mark" I ended up in an argument with someone because I said 'semi colon' when they felt I should have said 'colon'. It got pretty heated when in the confrontation I said 'exclamation point' and the person thought I was attacking them.

Last night I had an even more ridiculous dream... my mom drug me to some Texas Swing show in a high school cafeteria. Willie Nelson was there and kept trying to dance with my mom and put her hands on his bum. There was also a guy there that I knew, but he was younger in the dream than he actually is, and he was hitting on me hardcore, but I couldn't pay attention to him because Willie Nelson was puttin' the moves on my mom! Oh! And the band was playing polka music and Black Sabbath covers. It was all very, very odd.

I blame Robin for the first dream- she had just told me about a crazy dream she had before I went to sleep. And her grammar is perfect, so that one kind of makes sense. The second one may have something to do with me reading an email before I went to bed from my mom asking me to pick my grandparents from the airport on Sunday so she can go see a Texas Swing band.

Am I Getting Softer in My Old Age?

2009-01-26T15:54:00.006-06:00

I got a puppy! Her name is Augustus, she's about nine weeks old and she's stinkin' adorable.

I'm going to be honest with you, I never thought I'd be the type of person that would have the urge to inundate their blog with posts like, "Oh, my gaw! Auggie is too small to jump up on the couch, but she tries to pull herself up and falls over and gets up and tries again! It's so cute!" or "Awww! Auggie is sleeping with her tongue out! It's the most precious thing in the world!".

And I'm pretty sure you don't read my blog for shit like that. But, I have that urge. So, in an effort to keep this blog adorable-free, Auggie has her own blog.

If you like amusing posts as told by a puppy and tons of cute pictures, you're going to love it. If that's not how you roll, stay here. I won't judge.

Rhondy is Magic

2009-01-22T15:21:00.004-06:00

When we were at the bar in El Campo, freezing under the ac vent and waiting for Creager to come on, Rhondy asked me what ever happened to my BFF Travi. I told her he went MIA a few years ago, I found his twin brother on myspace a couple years ago and he had no idea where he was. Every couple months I search the book and the space to see if he's gone public again, but hadn't had any luck. Then I felt sad, because I miss him so much, and guilty because I should've called his mom and had coffee with her. She's a cool lady. We did a shot toasting Travi, hoping he was well.

Less than 24 hours later, I'm in the middle of the heated fan war, when I notice I have a message in my inbox. IT'S FROM TRAVI! He's back in Houston! The next day, I talked to him on the phone and I can't tell you what it felt like to hear his voice again.

I tell Rhondy that I found him (or he found me) and she says, "You're welcome." Heheh, I love Rhondy.

We're going to meet at happy hour today and I'm so excited I might piss myself.

Totally unrelated: I think Diane Sawyer is throwing her hat into the 'Craziest Morning Show Correspondent' race. Willard Scott and Al Roker better watch their asses.

Fan Wars and Roger Creager (revised)

2009-01-19T20:57:00.006-06:00

I had a fairly busy weekend and I missed a few days, and I can live with that. I'm not going to post date.

Robin and I have a pretty intense Fan War going on over at the book. You may be confused because a week ago she surrendered, naming me champion. I'm confused, too. But, I'm a good sport, so I'll allow the rematch.

I think it all started because Robin lives about 2,281 miles away (that's what Google Maps tells me, anyway) so we IM often, usually late at night after (or while) drinking and random things that would fail to interest or amuse anyone else is hilarious as f..k to us. Actually, the same could be said of us when we're sober.

So, basically we search facebook for things to become fans of... random and unusual is encouraged, lying is discouraged. I still question her new found fondness of lions. I know it's only amusing to us, and I'm sorry if we've been blowing up your newsfeed with notifications like "Robin has just become a fan of Everything" followed by "Ceci has just become a friend of Everything And More!". It keeps us pretty busy.

I also went with my BFF Rhondy to El Campo to see Roger Creager. It was Rhondy's first time and I think I made a believer of her. It was fricking awesome. It's a public blog so these are the only details you get: We made new friends, almost stole a school bus, had a fan pointed at me, and Rhondy learned to dance. Not in that order. Check the pictures on the book. Sorry, myspace.

************************

ETA: As I was writing this, a brilliant idea came to me. So perfectly brilliant that I couldn't believe that neither of us had thought of it earlier. I made a fan page for Robin. Then I giggled for about 30 minutes until she got home, logged into the book, and saw "Ceci became a fan of Robin". Seconds later I received the congratulatory IM. So, it's officially over. I am the undefeated champion of a game I created. Of course, Robin then made a fan page for me...

************************

Once again, Not What I Was Hoping For

2009-01-16T22:46:00.001-06:00

Let me preface this by saying that I love Robin. Luh-huve her. She is honestly one of the funniest, most creative and intelligent people I know. I'm proud to call her one of my best friends.

Hopefully, you read our IM transcript in which I come across as a complete idiot as Robin's joke goes right over my head. If you haven't read it, please do so before continuing.

Before we signed off last night (the conversation occurred last night, I've been postdating) I tell her that she should take video of Eli jumping for me. So, imagine my excitement when she gets online tonight and tells me she has a video to email me. Excited, right?

Now, imagine my reaction when I see this:

Haha... OH MY GAWD!!!

Ok, Oscar sitting up on her hind legs is stinkin' adorable, there's no denying that.

But, the damn Mexican Jumping Bean isn't frickin' jumping!!! There is absolutely no action in this video outside of camera movement! She might as well had sent me a frickin' picture of the bean!

Hopefully I can try to convince her to try again. Sigh.

Big Fish Story (Thanksgiving 08)

2009-01-15T21:47:00.003-06:00

Somehow my dad got stuck on the Girl's Boat with my mom, Cookie, and myself. After a while, I'm the only one that hasn't hooked anything and I'm getting pretty damn impatient. I alternate between calling "Here, fishie-fishies!" when I cast and declaring, "I suck at this!" repeatedly.

We see a boat approaching and it's the Boy's Boat! (Papa, Uncle Neal, and Steve) My mom tells them she's caught a few, but no keepers. Cookie tells them she's caught a few, one keeper. I raise my beer and say "I caught a buzz!" They laugh and head back to the house.

Not long after this, I feel a nibble so I 'set the hook' and holy shit. "Ahhhh! I think I got something big!" I know I'm not really the strongest, but reeling this thing in became a serious work out. I shoved the end of the pole in my belly button and tried to hold the rod up as I reeled, but it wasn't working. My dad sees what's going on and comes over to help me hold the rod up and after about 20 minutes I finally pull in a 31 inch 18 pound Black Drum.

My dad decided it was too big too eat, it would be mealy. So, after we tied it to the boat to take back to the house to show Papa and weigh it, we let my monster fish go.

For about a week after this, I complained of internal injuries. My stomach was bruised and any movement/bending was not pleasant... totally worth it.

So, uh, What's Going on in Your Neck of the Woods?

2009-01-14T17:31:00.000-06:00

OK, I know I said I was going to stop posting videos in-lieu of actual posts, but this is just too frickin' hilarious not to share.

Mexican Jumping Beans by Ceci & Robin

2009-01-13T01:26:00.003-06:00

Ceci: Be funny so I can just cut and paste our IMs like back in the day
robin: Haha oh jesus
No pressure
Ceci: aaaand, go!
robin: Ok
So, um

15 minutes later:
Robin: I bought these Mexican jumping beans at the Houston airport
as I was flying out
Ceci: hahah
Really?
Robin: 3 came in a box
Yes
I named them Eli, Ichabad and Jennifer
Jennifer is dead
Ceci: Those aren't Mexican names
Robin: Eli is still kicking it when it gets warm
Like right now
I hear him
Jumping
Ceci: I think you're doing it wrong
Robin: I'm sure I am
Ceci: How did Jennifer die?
Robin: Well... it got really cold here
I tried to keep them warm, but she was the smallest
and you're supposed to water them once a week
I might have lapsed on that
Ceci: What?
Robin: Yeah
They're caterpillars. Really...
They can't dry out
Ceci: Shut up!
Real ones?
Robin: Yeah
Ceci: I'm googling this
Robin: I had to research it
They're pretty cool
Ceci: But apparently not cool enough to properly care for
Robin: Shut up!
I'm a busy person
http://www.jbean.com/
This is the company that I bought them from
They play REALLY annoying music
You must listen to
Ceci: They're sold out! I have to wait until June to get some!
Robin: I know
I'm going to buy more then
Ceci: They also sell coffee....
Robin: oh jesus
I wouldn't drink it
Jennifer's relatives
Ceci: Moth eggs!
Robin: Are in it
Ceci: Are in what?
Robin: coffee
Ceci: You put them in coffee??
Robin: NO!
Ceci: That can't be good
Robin: I'm just assuming
Jeez
Ceci: You said "Jennifer's relatives are in it"
Are in what?
Oh,
Robin: coffeee!
Ceci: Wait
I think I get it now
Robin: My god
Ceci: You're saying they put
Robin: About fucking time
Ceci: Hahah
Robin: Hahaha
Ceci: Rejected moth eggs in the coffee
Hahah
Robin: Good
Ceci: Right?
Robin: Yes
Reject it
Ceci: OK. I'm with you now
Robin: Don't take it
Say no to jumping bean coffee
Ceci: Hahah, but...
Yeah, it's probably better not to
Robin: Only Eli jumps
I think I killed the other one
Damn it
They were $2
Ceci: How do you keep killing them?
Robin: Well... they weren't supposed to live beyond Dec
Ceci: Oh
Robin: and it's not exactly Mexico climate here
Ceci: Well, then... Congrats!
Robin: haha thanks

To Cheat or Not to Cheat

2009-01-12T23:04:00.002-06:00

So, I totally neglected my blog and the ridiculous idea that I would blog everyday seems so... well, ridiculous. What ends up happening is I post youtube videos and lame three sentence blogs. That wasn't the idea at all.

I'm only 3 posts away from catching up, so at this point, I'll just fake three more and hope that I can keep up from here on out. Because, honestly, if it gets away from me again, I'm going to let it. (Wow, there are way too many commas in that sentence. Damn you, alcohols!)

Anyway, I think it's better to make decent posts at irregular intervals than to post shit every day just for the sake of posting. Ya know... quality over quantity.

Whopper Virgins take 2

2009-01-11T18:25:00.000-06:00

Worst campaign EVER.

SWA Dining Update.

2009-01-10T17:58:00.000-06:00

Oh! I forgot to tell you that the SWA dining rewards thing worked! My account was credited, and thanks to the bonus sign up points, I'm only $4.98 away from my next 1/4 credit! They also added more establishments, but still no Cucos or Steins.

Yeah, I'm totally just trying to catch up. I hate NaBloMoPo.

Reading Update

2009-01-09T17:51:00.002-06:00

Of all the resolutions I made, reading more is definitely the one I've had the most success with. I've already finished two books since the year started! Ok, I was halfway through the first one when the year started, but it counts. The second book, as mentioned earlier, is called "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell". I didn't know anything about it, I just saw it on the shelf at Half Priced Books and thought the title was funny. The back cover told me this:

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way: I share my adventures with the world.

I think I'm purchasing a witty novel about drunken exploits. I actually purchased a blog. It's just a collection of short stories lifted directly from his website (he never used the term blog, he's clearly too pretentious to consider himself a blogger). So, I'm even more upset that I paid $5 for this piece of shit I could have read online for free.

It's almost as though he read "A Confederacy of Dunces" and thought to himself, "This Ignatius Reilly guy is onto something with the constant verbal abuse to people he feels are intellectually inferior, I should do that." Except, of course, he does it wrong.

I read the whole book, it's an easy read if you get over the tediousness, mostly because I kept thinking there would be some change towards the end. That he would realize he wasn't God's gift to the world and show some shred of humanity. He doesn't. He continues to talk about himself in the third person, name events and grading scales after himself, and go out of his way to be the most vile piece of shit he can. If he weren't so full of himself (he constantly tells the reader how awesome and intelligent he is) and his exploits came accidentally, it might have been a decent read. In all fairness, he did warn me in the first sentence that he's an asshole. I think this is the only time he's ever been modest.

They're making the "book" into a movie. Sigh....

Awesome!

2009-01-08T22:52:00.001-06:00

The most ridiculous thing about this commercial? It's available in VHS!

Not What I Was Hoping For

2009-01-07T13:28:00.000-06:00

Our friend Toby Jones over at Jones' Big Ass Truck Rental and Storage finally dropped his second commercial. It's cute, but not as hilarious as the first one.

I wish my birthday was coming up so I could ask for one of those shirts his momma makes.

Insert Witty Title Here

2009-01-06T12:14:00.003-06:00

Still not a huge fan of Stars. The place bills itself as the 'only real sports bar in Katy'. I call it sterile and oddly set up. But, UT won (!!) so in celebration I drank enough to not really care that the place is just weird. They also have MCDs, that's mini-corn dogs for those of you that don't nickname everything you see. MCDs are awesome, but you'll have to take my word for it, because I'm not sharing. Aaaaand, I was able to use my credit card and will check my Rapid Rewards account soon to let you know if it actually works. Which, in hindsight, I probably should have done before I posted a blog raving about the program. Ehh....

Resolution update: I just finished a book, I Just Want My Pants Back. It's good, I'd recommend it. I'm starting a new book I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, that I know nothing about. I just saw it on the self at Half Price Books and thought the title was funny. A week later, I saw it on my brother's bookshelf (bathroom window sill) in Denver and he said it wasn't very good.... we'll see.

Frequent Flier Miles at the Bar?!?

2009-01-05T11:40:00.003-06:00

I know I've talked a whole mess of shit about Southwest Airlines in the past, mainly about their boarding process, calling them Greyhound with wings. If you're unfamiliar with SWA, their boarding procedure used to be a free for all. They don't assign seats to passengers. You weren't able to check in until you arrived at the gate, and when they announced boarding and the jetway was bombarded by idiots thinking if they boarded first it would somehow make them better than the other 200 passengers going to the same damn place. It was just a huge mess.

They must read my blog, because they completely changed their boarding process, allowing passengers to check-in on line 24 hours in advance (like all other airlines) and they created 'boarding groups' eliminating the mass rush to the jetway. It completely changed the whole SWA experience. So, I gave them another chance, signed up for their "Rapid Rewards Program" and flew about 10 times with them last year.

I told you that to tell you this: They just introduced a new branch of their Rapid Rewards Program just for people like me that don't want to get a SWA Credit Card, but would still like to earn points for spending money on things other than SWA flights. It's the Rapid Rewards Dining program, where you register your credit/debit cards and earn 1/4 of a point for every $100 you spend at quailifying restaurants, bars, and clubs.

I know what you're thinking, 1/4 of a point? Laaaame. Well, here's where you're wrong. It only takes 16 points to get a free flight. The program is still fairly new, so new establishments are being added frequently. They just added Stars, not my favorite bar, but I'll go there for free flight credits. I'm going there tonight to watch the UT game.

If they add Los Cucos and Einsteins, I'd have free flights for life.

Whopper Virgins

2009-01-04T21:51:00.003-06:00

Have you seen the ad campaign that Burger King is running in which they travel to places where people have never even heard of a burger and perform a taste test between the Whopper and the Big Bac? Supposedly, in the most pure taste test ever, the Whopper won.

If I'm McDonald's, this is how I respond: "Ooooh-k. Well, we asked people who actually know what a burger is which they preferred and they like the Big Mac."

I mean, really. Why would I give a shit what people who don't even know what a damn burger is prefer? It's almost the complete opposite of an endorsement. Show me a 250 pounder and tell me what they like. Chances are they've got more experience and I'd trust their recommendation.

For the record, I've never had a Big Mac or a Whopper. I'm adding it to my resolutions, though.

Resolution Rock

2009-01-03T16:45:00.004-06:00

In keeping with my resolution to get out more, I'm headed to Manvel, TX to see Roger Creager. I should have asked if he wanted to carpool.

I'd like to add a few resolutions, if I may.

7. Read more! I think the main reason I don't read as much as I'd like is that my bed is out of commission and I've been sleeping on the couch with Netflix. When I 'go to bed', it's easier for me to pick up a book. That brings me to:

8. Get some freaking furniture! The main reason I haven't done this is because I always think there's a better deal somewhere else. I'm going to get some furniture and have a slumber party.

9. Purge the closet! I keep putting this off because I've gained weight and can't really go through my clothes.

10. Stop adding shit to the list and go take a shower for Roger Creager!

I think I'm all riled up because I drank my first pot of coffee in about a week. I can't drink coffee when I'm sick. I can't tell you how much I missed it.

Subject to Change

2009-01-02T21:03:00.005-06:00

I knew it was too good to be true. Still hilarious, though. New ad 'drops' on the 7th. I cannot wait.

So, I'm skipping the year in review blog. If you want to know what my year was like, use the archive to the right. Or add me on facebook. I will, however revisit last year's resolutions.

Take More Pictures- I think I did fairly well with this one. I failed to capture some moments, but there were also many occasions that probably didn't require documenting that were plastered all over facebook. 7/10
Wear more lipstick- Epic fail. Had I aspired to wear more Carmex, it would have been a major success. 3/10
Stop dressing like a tomboy- Another failure. I was actually doing ok at the beginning of the year, then I just wore my work clothes out.... and then there was baseball season. 3/10
Stay in shape- Wow, I suck. I actually did ok until the last two months. 5/10
Stand up/Speak up for myself- I think I did ok with this one. Actually, now that I think about it, I may have done horribly. 5/10
Get out more... and not just to the bar. Stop telling people you want to get together with them and not actually doing it. Oh, I think I won! I know I didn't bail out on as many plans as I have in the past (unless something came up at work), so that's a plus. And I got out more. Ok, I didn't always escape the bar. I can't help that my friends are raging alcoholics. But, I went to a ridiculous amount of Astros games, saw a few shows (even a couple that weren't Creager!), and went to Denver twice. That counts as getting out, right? 8/10

So, in an effort to be more green, I'm recyling the resolutions. Wish me luck.... or if you want to be really supportive of my resolutions: invite me out somewhere and tell me to put on lipstick and take a picture. If I yell at you, don't take it personally, I'm just standing up for myself.

I hope this is real.

2009-01-01T23:49:00.002-06:00

Someone give me one good reason why I shouldn't go to Chicago and get drunk with this guy. Check out his awesome website.

Oh, NaBloPoMo....

2008-12-29T22:15:00.004-06:00

January's theme is "change"? Really? That's the best you can come up with? That's soooo cliche.

In case you were wondering (because I've been majorly slacking), November didn't have a theme so December's was "thanks". Who wants to bet that February's theme is "love"?

Well, I guess I could actually complete a month of blogging (sans cheating) for a change. Maybe that's what they meant.

Maybe I'm just cranky because I'm sick. Really sick. I'm exhausted and sore and my sinus cavities are full and slightly painful. It's making me dumb and distractible. I spent over an hour at the HEB wandering around trying to remember what I went there to buy. And I left the house without my cell phone or wallet, luckily I had cash in my pocket.

The good news: the boogers are more yellow than green and my temperature, while slightly higher than 'normal', isn't technically a fever so I don't think it's anything that requires antibiotics.

I just used my favorite kitchen appliance to make the "Get Better NOW Smoothie" to end all "Get Better NOW Smoothies". Green tea, Acai Berry, Emergn-c, frozen strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, dewberries (they call them something else), apple juice, and half a banana. I figure a couple of those a day and I'll be fine in no time.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

2008-12-09T11:10:00.003-06:00

So, yesterday was set to be Otis Appreciation Day. We had big plans, Otis and I. We were to get a driver's license, registration, oil change, brake light, new cd player, and find someone to help me put the bed cover back on. If he was good, I was going to surprise him with a bath!

This is what actually occurred:

After a little legal problem I had, I was under the impression that I needed to pay a fine to have my license reinstated. So, I head to the good ol' VFDub in the OKT. I waited in line, was told I could not be helped there, given a phone number. Called phone number, told I was clear (yea!) and needed to go talk to DPS. Back to DPS, waited in line, received number, tried to read, distracted by loud blonde girl behind me on phone with her BFF ("Oh my god! Her facebook status has been all about Matt for a week!"), finally my number is called. Yes!

Oh, but the waiting doesn't end there. You're only sent to another room to wait. I finally speak with a nice lady that informs me that there's nothing she can do to help me, because I don't actually need to do anything until my license expired in 2010. What a waste of two hours!

It's getting close to five, I either have time to go to the bank or haul ass down to Bear Creek to get registration. I opt for the bank and post office. As I'm leaving the post office, I hit a major traffic jam in Historic Downtown Katy. Seriously. I turn around in a bank parking lot, and a nice old man in a pick-up truck calls out to me (I can hear him because I haven't bought a cd player yet) that my left brake light is out.

I reach for the two shiney bulbs in their package on my dashboard and hold them out the window to him. "I'm working on it! Haha! Thank you!" Since I'm already in the OKT, I head over to the parentals to borrow a screwdriver to change my lightbulb. I've been promised it's easy.

Of course not. After fighting with the last screw for 10 minutes, I shuffle into the house. "Daddy?" He finally gets the screw off and the damn thing still won't work! We test the bulb in the working socket, it's not the bulb that's out. BOO!

So, I head over to O-O-O-O'Reily's Auto Parts! I've stumped them. If it were the switch, both brake lights would be out. If it were a fuse, all the lights would be out. Must be wiring. Go to a mechanic. Oy.

So, on to the oil change. I'm starting to feel a little down. I've accomplished nothing. I have a gift card to Wal-Mart, so I turn Otis in their direction for an oiling. I arrive at 5:40, they don't close until 7pm. Fantastic! I turn my baby over to an old man who in turn hands me a 'pager'. "It'll light up and buzz like when you're waiting at the fancy rest-a-ronts. It's got a clip on there for your pants. Careful, though, there. It moves around alot." I fight the urge to shove it down the front of my pants for a cheap laugh and place it in my purse.

I've had just about enough roaming when the damn pager goes off and scares the piss out of me. I head back to Lube & Tire where I'm informed that there's a problem with my hood. They broke it! After the oil change service, the hood stuck about an inch or so up. They couldn't get it to completely close or reopen. I try. They're not doing it wrong (it's an older model, sometimes people have trouble), it's just stuck. The next 45 minutes I watch in frustration and horror as they bang, jump, and stick random tools in my truck.

They try to blame this on me. "If you don't open the hood often, it'll stuck." I don't think so, buddy. I've opened that hood numerous times in the past few weeks to change headlights, tires, and check the oil. And you just opened it to change the oil. F..ker.

The manager finally arrives just as they dismantle the damn latch. I tell him I'd like the service order to reflect that the hood was operational upon arrival, and was not upon depature. He agrees and says if I have any problems they will pay for a mechanic to fix it.

This is not what the service order says. It says, "Hood broken on arrival." LIES! After six revisions, I am finally handed a service order that I am happy with. Then pay full price for an oil change that took 2 hours with no vehicles in front of mine. I even had to clean their dirty oil hand prints off of my hood myself. Lame.

At this point, it's too late to call around to find someone to help me with the bed cover. I admit defeat and head to Mills in search of black dress pants. Steve & Barrys is going out of business again, and I found a pair that didn't make my huge ass look so huge for only $4.83!

So, Otis Appreciation Day was a complete disaster. It turned out to be Otis Abuse Day. So, I'm trying again. After a quick proof read, I'll chug the last of my coffee (and fight the urge to right a cheesy poem about it), jump in the shower and go to Bear Creek to register Otis and my dad's Explorer. Then a new CD player for our journey to Denver tomorrow. (I dropped the faceplate in a cup of coffee a while back.) Wish Otis and I luck!

The first step is admitting you have a problem

2008-12-08T10:45:00.002-06:00

And the problem I'm referring to is a case of the sillies, not caffeine addiction:

I love you, Coffee! So black and so strong
But this last cup could do me so wrong
There is nothing in my tummy
And my head is getting hum-my
Why do I drink you for so long?

I sit and drink you for hours
Instead of taking a shower
I have errands to run
I made a list, how fun!
But you have over me such a power.

I love you, Coffee! So strong and so hot
I think I've had enough, believe it or not
The real world is waiting
But what I'm actually hating
Is there's none of you left in the pot

If you can't beat 'em...

2008-11-21T11:58:00.004-06:00

Ok, I obviously gave up on the NaBloMoPo. Sigh.

Saturday is my last day at work. I'm off to new adventures. I'll give you more details as they develop. Instead, enjoy a funny story about work yesterday.

The servers, out of boredom, turned on each other. It was all in good fun, unless you're the manager trying to keep them under control.

Snaking tables resulted in cups of water being thrown. And as we all know, the only way to really 'get back' at someone for dousing you with water is to take their camera from their purse and take a picture of your penis. Don't worry, he washed his hands.

The girls retaliated by throwing a cup of flour at penis picture guy. Which resulted in him rubbing his flour-body all over the smaller girl while tickling the piss out of her.

The girls managed to take every tip off his tables, probably because he was too distracted sending obscene texts with one of their phones to everyone in their address book. I know this, because I got one.

Somehow, the girls ended up getting into penis picture guy's vehicle and filling it with plastic forks... and hanging a pair of underwear from his antenna. Fantastic stuff really. But, I started to feel like I might have something to offer this little prank war. So, today.... it's on.

Oh, good. It's going to be one of those days.

2008-11-08T10:50:00.005-06:00

1: Thank you for calling Comcast technical support, this is Whatever, how can I assist you today?

Me: Yes, ma'am. I'm calling from a restaurant, and our internet service is down.

1: Phone number?

Me: blah blah.

1: Oh, I can't help you in this department, I'll transfer you to business accounts.

Me: Thank you.

1: Thank you again for calling Comcast Technical support, I hope you have a great day, but first is there anything I can assist you with before I transfer you?

Me: (pause) No, ma'am. Thank you.

Hold music... four minutes twenty seconds.

2: Thank you for calling Comcast technical support, this is Whatever, how can I assist you today?

Me: Yes, sir, I'm calling from Restaurant and our internet service is down. I cannot batch yesterday's credit cards.

2: Is this a residential call?

Me: What? No.

2: Phone number associated with the account?

Me: blah blah

2: I don't have any record of your account.

Me: Really? The first lady pulled it up with the phone number.

2: Number again?

Me: blaaaah

2: Are you sure you have an account with Comcast? I don't have any record of your account?

Me: Yes, we had a service call yesterday and received a new router. I'm holding the invoice. Would you like our account number?

2: Is this a residential account?

Me: No! I'm still at Restaurant.

2: Hold please.

Hold music three minutes, twelve seconds.

Recorded voice: We cannot complete your call. Please hang up and try again later.

WHAT the hell, Comcast?!?!?

I'm highjacking RR's wireless. Hope they don't mind....

Cable?

2008-11-06T23:12:00.000-06:00

I don't pay that much a month for my basic cable service, but I find that I rarely watch anything on cable... especially since Netflix added a thousand new instant viewing titles.... I'm thinking about just cancelling it.

Oh this post is so lame.

Day Off.

2008-11-05T21:56:00.002-06:00

My plans for today included running some errands and getting some stuff done around the house. I accomplished none of those things. I can make excuses that I'm tired, but that's lame. I can make excuses that I spent over three hours on the phone with friends and family, but that's lame. I did do some research on my new adventure... so I guess it wasn't a complete wasted day.

That just happened!

2008-11-04T22:52:00.002-06:00

A table just led the restaurant in an impromptu sing-a-long to the theme song from the Jeffersons.

Seriously, guys....

2008-11-03T08:56:00.001-06:00

I hope you know what you're doing. If not... stay home tomorrow.

This is amazing!

2008-11-02T02:00:00.000-06:00

Some drunk genius is trying to save us from sending emails we may regret. This reminds me of my idea for a cell phone with a built-in breathalyzer I had a few years ago.

Let the NaBloMoPo begin...

2008-11-01T21:30:00.002-05:00

...a tad late, but let it begin. Is anyone else participating? The fact that no one else has blogged the first three days should indicate that I'm going it alone this year... but yall could be backdating cheaters like me and haven't started yet.

So, here we gooo.... wish me luck!

OK...

2008-10-22T02:25:00.001-05:00

Apparently my last post caused some confusion.... you have to create a blog (www.blogspot.com) before you can register to participate in NaBloPoMo.

Sorry for the confusion.

It's that time again...

2008-10-20T15:41:00.004-05:00

November is National Blog Posting Month! I may have cheated my way through last year by post-dating and my attempt at Blog365 was an epic fail.... but this year, this year I will NaBloPoMo! (With minimal cheating)

I invite (read: call out) my friends with blogs to join me. I don't want to call out Sarah, because she recently surrendered her Blog365 run after 10 successful months. She says she's blogged out. But, I hope she reconsiders because even though I rarely commented, I really enjoyed reading it everyday.

I hope Jacey and Rhondy will participate... and I'm calling out John Mack to FINALLY create a blog after all the shit he's talked.

So, go here to register your blog and add it to the blogroll. If you don't want to play... at least throw me a comment here and there so I don't lose steam and phone it in like last year.

Things I learned (or made me laugh) from Ike in incomplete sentances

2008-09-24T04:10:00.007-05:00

Weido gets an evacuation notice, not an eviction notice.

$7 Standing room only tickets = front row Crawford Box seats.

Brandon Moss was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Vests are lame.

Puma paws are fun.

Barta is not at weeble. He wobbles, and he does fall down.

Everyone loves Mo's. Except my flip flops.

If I HAVE to, I can support the weight of my drunk brother, but I will take embarrassing pictures of him passed the f..k out with his baby blanket on our parent's couch.

If the power goes out, car radios + iPod + Heights Dr.= dance party.

My parents are far more 'cool' than I could ever hope to be.

Pine trees are STRONG.

Chocolate chip cookies are the only thing anyone wants in an emergency situation. Ever. Period.

Do not climb on the boat.

Do not yell at passing cars; it may be a cop.

Mark Weido can throw a spiral in a hurricane.

There are three kinds of black labs.

Ike is Swedish.

I kick ass at random-ass sports trivia, but don't have the patience to learn the rules to play the game "Life".

Toothpaste is not on everyone's Hurricane Survival Checklist.

Milwaukee = Astros "home" game (?!?!?!?) = goodbye wild card.

Me + My brother will kick your ass in a candle-lit game of Taboo. I take that back, we'll kick your ass in any kind of lit game of taboo. Bitches.

Baby squirrels do not agree with milk. Hypothetically, of course.

Baby squirrels are suicidal.

KPD will not transport you to Harris Co if someone cries about driving downtown in post hurricane conditions.

"Paraphernalia" is the hardest word in the English language to pronounce.

It takes 7 ATMs and heavy guilt trips to gather enough cash to bail loved one out of jail in post hurricane conditions.

I love the term "Post Hurricane Conditions".

I still don't know what a volcano taco is.

Seriously?

2008-08-06T05:37:00.003-05:00

Psst... ESPN.... I don't care what Tiger Woods thinks about the Brett Farve situation.

Caped Crusader

2008-07-23T04:48:00.002-05:00

I don't want to talk about it.

I haven't seen it.

I WANT to see it.

I have a rule... no going to the theater unless it's Star Wars or Kevin Smith.

Shit, I didn't even see the new Indy in the theaters and I clearly love me some Harrison Ford/Lucas/Spielberg.

I was telling the 'kids' at work that I vividly remember standing IN LINE for the Tim Burton Bat Man when I was a kid. KID... seven? eight?... at the same (albeit newly revamped) theater that they are watching this phenomenon. I'd never stood in line for a movie before, and I still remember thinking that it was a BIG deal. I still have a button/pin somewhere from that. I loved that movie then for those reasons, and now for others.

Of course, the kids poke fun of me for this. First for being "old" and secondly for being a clost geek. If they only knew that I lay my head on a Return of the Jedi pillow case every night and wake up to brush my teeth with a Pac-Man glass.

Geek.

Puuuuuuuuuma suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuit!

2008-07-21T09:49:00.006-05:00

Short back story... as you all know, I'm a tad fanatical about the Astros, but not as fanatical as the Little Pumas. I befriended them about a few weeks ago at the Astros/Dodgers game.

All but one of the Puma's had other business to attend to, so after MUCH febreezing, my friend Rick and I were more than happy to 'Puma Suit Up' and represent the Big Puma at Saturday's game vs the Cubs.

I'm not going to lie, I was pretty nervous about the whole thing, and I was getting over a pretty nasty stomach virus, but it was so much fun!

I can't even count how many pictures we posed for, and we only made one ankle biter cry. Minutes later, the Chik-fil-a cows scared the snot out of me, so I guess that evens out.

Apparently, the Chicago school system failed to teach the difference between large cats and baby bears, as we confused quite a few Cub fans... but, we're good sports and posed for pics with the Illinois Nazis. (And that concludes today's random Blues Brothers' reference.)

OK, be honest. Does this suit make me look fat? ;)

Saving Lives at the HEB

2008-07-16T23:12:00.000-05:00

So, I've been sick for a while... I finally broke down and went to the Redi-Clinic at H.E.B- the nice doctor is taking my blood pressure and spots the numerous bruises on my arm.

"Who drove you here today?"

No one.

"Is anyone waiting with you?"

Nope.

"So, there's no one with you here?"

No, ma'am.

"Do you want to tell me about these bruises?"

Bwah. Work.

"Hmphm. And where do you work?"

I'm a restaurant manager. (pause for skeptical stare) I just work hard and bruise easily.

"Hmm, ooohhkaaaay."

I LIVE for days like today.

2008-06-11T02:23:00.000-05:00

Tuesdays suck. Busiest day of our week. Both managers work 18 hour days. TUESDAYS SUCK. Bottom line. Done. True story.

When the electricity goes out for two hours in the middle of your lunch rush on a Tuesday, they really suck. (In case your're wondering, birthday candles shoved in 2 ounce souffle cups full of mayo are surprising luminescent- in the kitchen! Jebus, don't take those on the floor or I will kill.)

Firing the only two experienced servers on staff 15 minutes into their shifts on a Tuesday sucks even harder.

There's probably something VERY wrong with me, but I LOVE days like this. Slow, uneventful days make me make me want to quit- days that EVERYTHING is working against us make me love my job.

MAKE IT HAPPEN!

2008-06-10T03:08:00.002-05:00

Joel Stell was attacked in the 6th St area in Austin, TX. He has 9 major and 22 minor fractures in his face.

We have started the "MAKE IT HAPPEN FUND". All donations will first be put towards offering a reward for any info that leads to an arrest. If none is found, the funds will go to help with costs for his recovery.

If you would like to contribute, contact me for Ryan's address to mail check or money order. Please send any inquiries in regards to online contributions to NerfariousKunk(at)gmail(dot)com. (NOTE: I have asked for this info, will update when received)

In NO way will this go to profit anyone else. Please forward this to everyone you know. If you can make an extra effort to ask your family, friends and coworkers for their help it will be greatly appreciated. Last date for collection will be 12:00AM on 06/12/08.

If you have any leads as to who, where or why the attacks happened you are to contact Detective Sullivan at the Austin Police Dept at 512-974-4458. They have no leads at this time.

Will post soon, I promise!

2008-05-30T01:52:00.001-05:00

Base Hit Guy

2008-05-03T00:38:00.004-05:00

Back on April 21st, my BBF (inside joke) Jacey hooked me up with some really spectacular seats to the Astros game. The best part was this dude a couple rows behind us that would yell "Base hit!" almost every time we came up to bat. The first time we took note of his rally cry was Berkman's first at bat which resulted in a three run homer.

This is probably one of those stories that is only funny if you were there and created a game in which you must take a sip every time he yelled 'Base hit', but we just thought it was hilarious that all it took to make this guy happy was a measly base hit. If you listen carefully, around 6 seconds in you can hear a little boy yell "Home run, Miguel!" seconds before Base Hit guy counters with a very special wish of his own.

Oh, and in case you're wondering- the little boy's hope was answered- Tejada hit a two run homer. It was an awesome game, we batted around in the first, and won 10-3, but when I think back on that game I'll think most fondly of Base Hit Guy. I bet he's That Guy that yells "Freeeeeebird!" at every concert he's ever been to.

Or Current Resident

2008-05-01T13:37:00.003-05:00

Am I the only one that's offended by this? I sign up for a lot of free samples. A lot. I get at least one in the mail everyday. They are always addressed to me or current resident.

But the letter accompanying the sample always says something like "Dear valued customer" or "thank you for your interest in our product". I had the interest, not the current resident! I always home that a man moves into my former place of residence, checks his mail and sees "(my name) or current resident" and gets really excited that he's gotten a free gift. But when he opens it, it's tampons.

This day in Ceci History: "Starbucks is Evil"

2008-04-30T12:54:00.004-05:00

Lifted from LJ April, 30 2002

Anyway... I was kind of near the front of the store when I heard a man yelling at Starbucks, not in Starbucks, at Starbucks. (Starbucks closes an hour later than BN on weekends), so I go to sneak a peek through the gate with Josh. Sure enough, some freak in a suede vest with fringe is throwing a fit. Josh explains that he comes in about twice a year and goes insane.

"You're all evil! Starbucks is evil!" He repeats this about four times then pulls a f..king GUN out of the back of his pants. Josh and I take a step back, and the (10?) customers in SB all freeze. He puts the gun on a table and warns the employees behind the counter that if any of them call the police, he'll shoot them all.

He's paid absolutely no attention to Josh and I, so we run to the phone and call 911, then rush back to watch the show. He's holding the gun again, not really pointing it at anyone, just holding it. He moves closer into the store, and some of the customers run out of the store! The guy doesn't see this, he's concentrating on the employees, Mindy and Ryan. While he's up in Mindy's face, Ryan motions the rest of the customers to leave the store. Of course, they do... but just stand out side watching!

The Freak realizes that everyone is outside, (why didn't they leave?!?) and someone is a little too close to his bicycle. He runs outside, "EVIL! Get away from my bike!" While he's stroking and comforting his bicycle, the customers all run back inside and Ryan locks the freak outside. (Still no cops) We open the gate and let them into our store... they're all really freaked out and don't understand why we aren't. (Neither do we...) Now the freak is pissed at us for helping the "evil ones".

He puts the gun back in his pants and pulls out... a big ass flashlight! He shines it on all of us, screaming, "You helped the EVIL ONES! You can't save them from my rap!" I start cracking up... I'm not sure if he meant "wrath" or if he was going to delight us with a song. He does not appreciate the giggling.

He reaches into his pants again and he pulls out a very small flash light! Now he's got one in both hands. He acts like he's going to throw the big flashlight into the window a few times, and we all squeal and duck, but never actually throws them. All the sudden he runs to his bike and starts to ride towards Hwy 6. It's not the cops, just our loser security guard. Where the hell has he been for the last 20 minutes? Of course, he's not allowed to leave the damn parking lot, so the freak rides away.

Fifteen minutes later, the SB employees and customers have left and we've gone back to recovering the store. I spot a cop car pull into the parking lot with it's trunk up. They caught the freak and put his bike in the trunk... classic. We all go outside to meet the cops... one asks Ryan if he can identify the suspect as the same man that made the threats. "Nope... different sickf..k with a fringed vest and blue bicycle." We all laugh, even the cop, who shrugs and says, "I have to ask."

Everyone gets to tell the story to the cops, quite fun... as the cops were leaving the same one asks if he can get a Starbucks bag. "No problem, what for?" "We need something to put his belongings in." Holy hell, if I ever go to jail I want my belongings in a Starbucks bag. How official.

He takes his Starbucks bag, and starts to get back into the Copmobile... "Oh, if it makes you guys feel any better, it wasn't a real gun."

But the flashlights... the flashlights were REAL!

Near Death Experiences at Starbucks

2008-04-29T13:26:00.004-05:00

I was reading Sarah's Blog the other day, because I realized that there were a lot of older entries I hadn't read. Turns out I'm not the only one that had a close call at Starbucks!

That's what inspired me to go back and look for the "Starbucks is Evil" post, it just happened to work out that it actually happened at the end of April, so I'd been saving the post to accurately post it as a "This Day in Ceci History" entry. Which is fun, expect more of those.

Hmm... Anyone else almost died at a Starbucks, or does this only happen to hot redheads in April? ;)

Dear Nablopomo,

2008-04-28T14:11:00.001-05:00

What the hell?

The theme for May is going to be VOICES. I think you can approach this in a few
different ways -- you can try writing in the voice or someone or something else;
you could invite other voices into your blog by interviewing people or, heck,
channelling them; or you could try your hand at podcasting, since we've always
wondered what your voice sounds like!

I don't know if I'm down with this. I did find a website that allows you to record a message and it automatically posts it to your blog. Think of how much time I'll save by not spell-checking! But, I tend to ramble... I don't know.

I guess I could write in the voice of someone else... I don't know... I may just stick to the Blog365 and post whatever the hell I feel like.

Lame.

-c

See post on the 18th for my voicepost test. Seems I somehow skipped that day, so I postdated it.

Dear Hair,

2008-04-27T13:47:00.004-05:00

I know it's not your fault, but you look horrible. Please grow back. Now.

Although on the plus side, this gives me an opportunity to rock the 800 baseball hats that I own but only wear on road trips or to sporting events.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation,
-c

Dear Austin,

2008-04-26T13:18:00.004-05:00

I raided your closet while you were in Dallas.

xoxo,
c

Dear Physician's Formula, (revisited)

2008-04-25T23:22:00.001-05:00

Being prom season, I couldn't make any last minute appointments to get a hair cut, so I went over to Ulta as a walk-in. The girl that cut my hair was really nice and funny, but she massacred my hair. I asked for a trim, just to knock of the nasty ends. I left six inches of hair on the floor.

It wouldn't be as bad if it the humidity wasn't 110% all summer which makes it curl tighter and poof. I think attempting to straighten it would be a vast waste of time. You know it's bad when your own father's response is: "Well, it (long pause) looks good."

Sigh. At least it grows quickly.

Anywhoo, after the slaughter, I browsed the store and stumbled upon F.L.A.T mascara! It was actually packaged as a "free gift" with F.L.A.T. eyeliner. So, for the low, low price of $5.95 I got new eyeliner AND mascara! I wonder if they're packaging it this way to get rid of the mascara because they are going to discontinue it or to get people to try it. I like Tink's idea of stocking up, problem is I'll have enough eyeliner to start a KISS cover band.

Maybe I should write an actual letter to Physician's Formula to find out. Hmm.

Dear Internet,

2008-04-24T00:13:00.004-05:00

I just realized that I missed my SEVEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY! April 8, 2001 I made my very first blog post on livejournal.

It reads:

12:02 am
This is my first post...
Current Mood: curious
Current Music: Buckcherry

It garnered no comments. Some things never change.

Anyway, internet, here's to seven more years of mediocre blogging! Thanks for having me!

-c

p.s. For those of you that blog, when did you start your first? I'm betting Rhondy's got me beat...

I've been doing it wrong!

2008-04-23T13:16:00.001-05:00

Dear Absolut,

2008-04-22T17:54:00.001-05:00

You need to work on your apology skills. Seriously.

The ad:

Apology Attempt #1

Apology Attempt #2

I love that they state that they received "several comments". That should read "several thousand comments".

Adventures in Doggie-Sitting

2008-04-21T10:17:00.003-05:00

This started out as an email to Jacey... so, technically... it's a letter. :)

I am going to kill Roux! My parents left with another couple yesterday morning to go on an overnight trip to Fredericksburg that involves them stopping at every winery on the way there... and back. They even found a boutique hotel that's also a brewery to stay in last night. I gotta admit, I'm pretty impressed at their level of commitment.

The house phone rings at 5pm last night, and the conversation goes something like this:

Ring, ring.
Me: "Hello."
Goo: "Heeeeeeey, Lucy! Are you at home?"
Me: "Are you seri...."
Goo: "Oh! I called the home number! HAHAHahahahahhahahahah (and then it becomes muffled... then I hear her companions laughing hysterically with/at her.)"
Me: "Hello? Goo? Hell-loo? Goo!"
Dad: "hahah Hellllloooo! hahah Guess haha what haaa?"
Me, going out on a limb: "I don't know, does it have anything to do with alcohol?"
Car full of drunkies: "Hahahahha!"

So, they're probably all in jail. Anyway, Roux kept me up ALL night. Randomly barking at NOTHING. I finally moved out to the couch to try to sleep with her because I didn't want the bed stinking like doggie... and needless to say the couch just isn't big enough for a neurotic dog, an obese cat, and a cranky me. I think I got a grand total of 3 hours of sleep.

Also, the damn dog managed to escape the back yard TWICE yesterday. I've doggie-proofed the gates and fence so well that if the flea bag manages to escape again, I think she's earned the freedom.

Guide to Cats

2008-04-20T22:24:00.000-05:00

Funny!

My new favorite thing

2008-04-19T19:12:00.002-05:00

is Stumble Upon. It's all kind of random goodness! It directed me to this nifty cooking site that gives you recipes based on what you have in your refrigerator and this endless, senseless collabrative blog type thing.

Also, this site with TONS of cures for writer's block.

Voice Post Testing...

2008-04-18T14:20:00.000-05:00

Mobile post sent by DoubleC using Utterz. Replies. mp3

Dear Physicans Formula,

2008-04-17T21:35:00.004-05:00

What the hell? Did you discontinue my mascara? Why would you do this to me? I feel cheated! I've looked at every drug, grocery, beauty, and mass merchandising store I've stepped foot into in the last I don't know, two/three months and do not see your F.L.A.T. mascara on the shelves. (Fabulously Long And Thick) (That's what she said)

I finally broke down and purchased your Mineral Wear™ Talc-Free Mineral Mascara... It's pretty damn good, but not as good as the F.L.A.T. Plus, I don't get to make silly jokes to myself about the name of it... other than how lame the name is. And it's slightly more expensive.

I checked your website, and you still list the F.L.A.T. mascara as one of the products you offer... yet I have not been able to find it in Houston, Katy, the Woodlands/Spring, Dallas, Denver, or Aurora. I'm outraged! OUTRAGED!

Thanks,
c

p.s. If anyone sees F.L.A.T let me know. I'll reimburse you. And buy one for yourself, it's amazing.

I love someecards.com

2008-04-16T22:52:00.000-05:00

Dear Health Nuts,

2008-04-15T14:20:00.002-05:00

Sarah posted a blog about organic foods that I thought was helpful and interesting, so I'm sharing it with yall.

Here's a list of foods that you really don't need to purchase the organic variety of...

And here's a list of foods you should buy organic. I'm with Sarah, I never would have thought about coffee.... hmm...

Dear Site Meter,

2008-04-14T23:29:00.003-05:00

I don't know how I ever lived without you. You bring me endless joy. Technically, Rhondy should get some credit for introducing me to you, but I'm gonna go ahead and take credit for discovering what I like to call "the popular search scam".

I mentioned to Rhondy that google searches have led unaware web browsers to my page. I joked that mentioning such things as Pamela Anderson naked, midget porn, or Miss USA 2008 (which Rhondy tells me is the most searched topic on Yahoo!) will lead people to my page. But, now that I think about it- How could one person be so deceptive? I mean just to put topics such as Ivana Trump wedding or Jay Z and Beyonce Wedding on your page to garner more hits? I mean it's almost like dedicating a paragraph to American Idol results, or Lost spoilers. That's just silly.

And tacky. I mean, really.

-c

2008-04-13T00:19:00.000-05:00

posted on lj

Dear C&D Scrap Metal,

2008-04-12T00:02:00.001-05:00

I DO NOT WANT $2 BILLS!

Thanks (but no thanks),
c

Dear Kitty,

2008-04-11T23:55:00.003-05:00

I really want to love you. I really do. I mean, you're pretty frickin' adorable and it's evident that you love me, but it's just a little more complicated than love and looks.

You make my eyes itchy. Very itchy. Especially when you rub your face on mine. Or rub your head all over my hands while I'm trying to type. Also, you don't know the difference between good touch and claw touch. Here's a hint- one is nice and the other hurts.

Also, I'm starting to suspect that you're more interested in the laptop than you are with me.

xoxo,
c

Dear You,

2008-04-10T18:07:00.003-05:00

Yeah. YOU. What the hell?!? I've been blogging my ass off for months and you either haven't been reading or you don't love me enough to throw a random comment at me every now and then. I even have it set up so that you can comment with out having to register for anything. Because I care.

Some of you told me you didn't comment because I didn't directly invite you to the blog and you felt odd about it. I've got a link to this public blog on every other site I use! Because I want you to read it and tell me how much you love me! So, knock it off and start commenting or I'll stop posting again and you'll harass me about how long it's been since I've updated my blog (I'm looking at you, RhoJo).

Dear Stomach,

2008-04-09T20:33:00.002-05:00

I am soo sorry. If I had known that left-over Vegetable Lo Mein would upset you so much, I never would have given it to you. You seemed to enjoy it the first time you had it this week, I had no idea it would turn on you so quickly. Never again. I promise.

Sincerely,
c

Dear Rhondy,

2008-04-08T19:57:00.001-05:00

Why don't you enable google talk? I get so excited to see that you're online, but then I see the little red circle that tells me you mustn't be disturbed. Can you not 'rock me like a hurricane' and chat with me at the same time? Do you even realize that you have made yourself unavailable? Don't you know that I have a sad, boring life and need you to entertain me?

I demand answers.

Thank you,
c

Dear Astros,

2008-04-07T20:57:00.003-05:00

Thank you for winning your home opener. I'm so glad I could be there.

Keep it up,

Dear TXDOT,

2008-04-06T21:11:00.003-05:00

If you are going to close an exit and have us detour, please put up some freakin' street signs. Especially if the street I am looking for is actually the third light after the detour exit, not the second as common sense would have me believe.

Thank you,
c

Dearest Tequila,

2008-04-05T20:36:00.005-05:00

I feel as though you have gotten a bad wrap after Shondala Rhondala's party. I've received phone calls, emails, and text messages from people that once considered you a friend but now shudder when they speak your name.

I just want you to know that I'm not mad at you. I mean, sure... you somehow erased my memory from 11pm-4am, and I know I was awake at 4am because my cell phone tells me I called three of my friends at that unreasonable hour. I talked to two, the third may be upset with me. And you probably had something to do with my wallet becoming a dog's new chew toy. You probably even had a hand in me deciding I didn't need to wear my shoes and subsequently cutting my foot.

But I just can't stay mad at you, old friend. Let the others curse your name and vow to never play with you again, I'm still here for you. Let's face it, if I was going to be mad at you, it would have happened a looong time ago. I do suggest we slow down our relationship, though.

Your BFF,
c

Dear Rhonda,

2008-04-04T21:31:00.002-05:00

Surprise!

Love,
Your Favorite Bartender ;)

Dear Myspace Friends,

2008-04-03T21:34:00.003-05:00

Would you all please just get a damn facebook account? Please? I'd make a list of reasons as to why facebook is so much better than myspace, but lists are sooo last month. Just trust me on this one.

Snoogans,
-c

Dear Nablopomo,

2008-04-02T21:05:00.001-05:00

Thank you for picking the theme of letters for the month of April. It is so much easier than last month. I promise to keep up with daily posting instead of making 15 posts in one day and editing the dates. I mean, as soon as I finish doing that now. Oops.

xoxo,
c

Dear social-networking wanna-be prankster friends,

2008-04-01T12:51:00.003-05:00

Really?

Do you really think anyone is going to believe that you are pregnant, moving, etc on April Fool's Day? I'm insulted by your lameness. This is your warning, next year if you pull that shit I'm calling you out.

Peace out,
c

Reasons I'm Glad List Month is over

2008-03-31T11:49:00.002-05:00

I've discovered that sometimes I have more to say than a list can convey
Coming up with subjects to list about is harder than I thought
I never know whether to bullet or number my lists
How many things must be included to be a list?

2008-03-30T11:49:00.000-05:00

posted on lj

2008-03-29T11:52:00.000-05:00

posted on lj

Web MD

2008-03-28T11:53:00.001-05:00

List of my random diagnosis made by Web MD's symptom checker today.

Leukemia
Anemia
Endometrial Cancer
Hypothyroidism
Multiple Sclerosis

Things I want in my new apt

2008-03-27T12:05:00.000-05:00

Washer/Dryer IN UNIT
Fitness Center
Assigned Parking
FIRST FLOOR! Ever apartment I've ever lived in has been upstairs (one was on the 4th) It's great excercise, but a bitch to move

2008-03-26T11:59:00.001-05:00

posted on lj