Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Patios, Puke, and Panties

Back me up here, pet owners, there is one sound that will wake you from the deepest of sleeps. I don't care if you are passed out drunk, under the heavy influence of sleeping aids, or in a damn coma; you hear the cough-gag-retch of your furry four-legged BFF and you bolt straight up and are at full attention.

I can sleep through my alarm, phone ringing, dog jumping on the bed, hurricanes... but that distinct cough-retch-gag... I am UP. This morning it jolted me out of a "sleeping aid + head cold + 3 hrs shitty sleep the night before" slumber. I shot straight up, grabbed Auggie and scrambled. Shit. I'm on the 3rd floor. There is no way in hell I can leash her and get her downstairs in time. What the hell do I do? I've been awake all of 20 seconds, so my thought process is a little off.

I run into the bathroom and held her over the sink. That immediately seemed like a stupid idea. It was. She just wiggled and moved her head around no where in the vicinity of the sink. Think, Dummy! Toilet! I puke in the toilet, why shouldn't a dog?

She didn't like being held over the toilet any more than she liked being aimed over the sink. Bathtub! No... think! Oh, balcony!

I run to the balcony, sling the door open and as soon as she hits the ground- vomit! Yes! I am a genius! A genius in her underwear, standing on the balcony with the loud sounds of doggie vomit to attract the attention of the group of kids in the parking lot.

Good morning.

13 comments:

Rob said...

I just snorted my coffee through my nose.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I am checking this blog using the phone and this appears to be kind of odd. Thought you'd wish to know. This is a great write-up nevertheless, did not mess that up.

- David

UFOS ARE REAL said...

lol gross!

doingitwrong said...

what in the... haha

Carl said...

I laughed audibly at this. My dog is great enough to come find me and ask to go outside if she feels sick.

Mac said...

Very good read lol.. I hate when my dogs puke cuz they are both big labs and puke a metric ton x_x and i have to clean it up! XD followed~

The Timely Regent said...

I L'd OL. Following :)

Walkabeast said...

Bet that made those kid's morning haha.

Psychedelica Emphatica said...

haha quick thinking. Luckily, where I live, my dog can go outside whenever he needs to. I can't remember the last time he vomited either lol

Followed.

rickysha said...

Ugh, I know how yo feel.

Lost.in.Idaho said...

Imagine the pictures of that scenario. It's the perfect scrapbook page, in my opinion.

My cat did this to me once. I'm asleep, and she's sitting on my chest. *hork* I wake up to see here 6 inches from my face, gagging on a hairball. Stuff like that wakes you up faster than a cup of coffee ever could.

Quasar green said...

hahahahahahhaha. I have a friend who owns a terror of a chocolate lab. He routinely eats her panties and other trinkets. Such a hassle to make him puke it out

Anonymous said...

Yes, correctly.

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