Dream on

I don't always remember my dreams, but when I do they're pretty ridiculous.

Last night I had a dream that I somehow went back in time and my family and I were on a vacation in New Orleans the day before Katrina would hit. Of course, no one would believe me that shit was about to hit the fan and we needed to get the hell out of Dodge. I was torn between abandoning them in search of my own safety or going down with them.

There was also a part in the dream where we were at a restaurant and wanted coffee, but our server refused to make any for us. We got into a very heated argument about this in which he said I could come back tomorrow and he would make coffee which just further frustrated me because I knew the whole city would be destroyed tomorrow and no one would believe me.

Auggie was with us on the trip (I guess puppies can time travel, too) and as the storm was coming in, she turned into a raccoon and started doing sign language to tell me she was hungry. I wasn't able to feed her in a timely enough fashion, so she BIT my lower stomach. It hurt so much it woke me up... or maybe I woke myself up yelling "OW! OW! OW!" Once I realized Auggie was not a raccoon and at the foot of the bed no where close to my stomach and the sharp pain ceased... I knew there was no chance of falling back to sleep and I should just get up and make my own damn coffee.

Guess Who's Back?

Remember like eight months ago when I was obsessed with Jones Big Ass Truck Rental and Storage? I thought the first "commercial" was so hilarious and I made you all watch it. It still makes me laugh... a lot.

Well, someone remembered my obsession with Mr. Jones and sent me a link to his newest effort:



http://www.jonesgoodassbbqandfootmassage.com/

Pee-Pee!

This one probably only pertains to the ladies. I know it's happened to all of you- you're mid stream in a public restroom and realize you picked the stall with no toilet paper and you're all alone. You have two viable options: risk doing the pants around the ankle sprint to the next stall without getting caught or waiting it out until someone comes to your rescue. Classy lady that you are, you decide to wait it out.

No matter how long you wait, there is no greater relief than the sound of the bathroom door opening and your new personal hero coming in to pass you a ridiculous amount of tp under the stall door.

Hero of the Day: Toilet Paper Savior

I'm Bringing Blogging Back

So, you may have noticed I haven't been blogging much recently. It's because I don't love you. No, not really. I've just been busy.

Anyway, every month the good folks over at NaBloMoPo send me an email inviting me to participate in their month-long themed blogging. The past few subjects have been lame, so I've ignored them. June's theme, however, is heroes. I can get on board with that.

I'm four days behind, so I'm going to throw a couple quick ones in to catch up, then I'm committed to the rest of the Hero Month.

Hero of the day: The guy that made "hero" the theme for June! Kudos to you, good sir. Or ma'am.

Clutch City

Ohhh.... Mattress Mack! I heart you. I really, really, really heart you. I hope that this is not what I think it is....

Wow.

Why would you open a new location after ALL THESE YEARS.... then... suddenly... fire... hmmm.....

Random Astros Stuffs/Sheer Heart Attack

The bar was pretty dead tonight (YEA!!, Rockets!) , so I clocked out and sat with some "regulars" (we've only been open a week) and they recognize a friend, call him over and talk turns to Astros . My coworker mentions that I'm somewhat fanatical about the Astros. And Guy says; "Oh, I know a Puma! Maybe I can talk to him." I say, "Really? Could you? Who do you know?" He says Bubba. I looooooove Bubba! For those of you keeping score at home: Bubba is the "head puma" and all-around-awesome guy. I had actually been sending him "Woohoo!" texts all night while I was watching the Rockets' game... which I'm sure annoyed the shit out of him.

So, I finally tell Guy that I know Bubba, and in fact have been known to (proudly) 'Puma Suit up' on occasion myself. Guy and I call (bug) Bubba (again!) to let him know how famous he is AND that he's bringing strangers together... haa

So, that was the randomness... on to the heart attack:

I get home and free Auggles from out of the bathroom... she runs outside to pee-pee, I feed her again and go to change into my pjs. As I'm walking away, Auggles picks up my cell phone off of the couch and hauls ass out the back door. F..ks! I yell NOOO at her, and I thought she dropped my cell phone, but I had to pee-pee myself, so I honestly wasn't paying attention.

She's usually pretty good about coming when I call her, so after my pee-pee I continue into the bedroom to change clothes and sporadically call her. I really don't think much about it, she doesn't have her collar on, so there is no jingles and I have the bedroom door closed...

After I have changed into my (brother's) old Jr High track sweat pants and a wife beater, I walk back out to the living room and call Auggie. No response.

Skip ahead mins 20 mins- I'm in tears... can't find my Auggie!

The side gate is open and she's not responding when I call, which is totally atypical of her, she's a titty-baby. Usually at my feet 24/7. If she goes to play in the backyard and I call her she comes right away. I am FREAKING OUT. (Add to this that RhoJo's doggie just died; so I'm extra sensitive)

I remember that she ran off with my phone... maybe someone is online and they can call my phone (assuming she still has the phone...)

I have two friends in the green on the FB: Bubba and Robbey (whom I haven't seen since HS). I frantically type to both of them asking if they are still actually awake. Robbey is, Bubba is not (or is still annoyed with me for bothering him all night)

Robbey responds and repeatedly calls my cell phone like a champ and leaves voicemails because that ringtone is louder that the call tone until I FINALLY track down my BAD little girl three streets over with my damn cell phone in her mouth! I had to carry Ms Aug back home and she alternated between being scared and cowering and trying to escape again and scratched the shit out of my chest and stomach.

So... apologies to all the neighbors that I'm positive I woke up screaming (and crying) "AUUUUUUUUUUUGIEEE!". Apologises to Bubba for bothering him all night. THANK YOU ten million- billion-zillion times to Robbey for hanging up on an important call to help me and my baybeh. And most importantly: apologies to Jeff for missing his call :( because renegade Auggles had my phone and I missed it. (maybe that's revenge for calling her dumpster puppy? haha)

What I've been doing for the past 30 days in pictures:

(Click on pictures to enlarge)


Viva Las Vegas!
I was lucky enough to be able to celebrate one of my best friend's birthday with him in Las Vegas this March. Even though Scott had invited me in back in December, I had forgotten (damn you, alcohols) and it was a last minute trip. I booked the flight three days before the trip with help from an old Coex coworker and the most expensive SWA flight I've ever taken. But, I love my Catfish and I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Because there isn't enough going on in Vegas, we created a new game called "Vegas Slugbug". It basically involved picking a tourist sterotype a day (Nascar jackets, hawaiian shirt, etc) and punching the snot out of your friends if you're the first one to spot an infraction. Unless you're me. Then you squeal and point and get punched on both arms by your friends.

The Bar & Niteclub convention was also in town, so we took advantage of that and went to the Flair competetion and drank free (nasty) 3 Olives Vodka. Seriously, grape flavored vodka? They're just doing it wrong.

Johnson Wedding/Rhondy & Brother Visit Weekend
I was already BFFs with Sarah when Ben was born, so I've literally known him his whole life. I remember him crawling around our house in his little Superman onesie, so it was amazing to see him all grown up standing at the alter.

The best part about my brother coming into town is getting together with all of his friends. The worst part about my brother coming to town is that I always gain about 10 pounds from all the food and booze. As an added bonus, Rhondy was also in town for a different wedding, so I got to spend time with her, too!





Seattle

Seattle has been on my short list of US cities that I really want to visit but haven't for years. One of my other best friends Robin lives up there and when I saw that SWA was running a "Super Seattle Sale", I called her immediately to invite myself up for a visit. I flew up during her Spring Break (Woooo!) and thus began Robin & Ceci's Northwest Adventure.

Robin is the best tour guide ever! She points out everything, things I didn't even know to look for. Like hot dogs with cream cheese. Don't knock it till you try it. They. Are. Amazing.

I got to meet Oscar, the cutest weiner/chihuahua mix EVER, and some of Robin's awesome friends. We had an early morning fire drill, saw the Deadliest Catch boat, Space Needle, met Sammy Drain, and did I mention hot dogs with cream cheese?

Also, I got to catch up with two of my Houston friends! My friend Jana lives in Ballard and a few days later we met up with Jeff, who was randomly driving through Ellensburg while I was there. Small world, huh?

















Opening Day(s)!

You all know I'm somewhat of an Astros fanatic, so I shouldn't have to tell you how ridiculously excited I was for Opening Day. So exited that we showed up at Minute Maid Park about 8 hours before the game.

After the Opening Day festivites we waited in line and were the first to enter... and I was the first to pee! The game didn't go very well, but we had fun because we are champions.


Oh, and I met Paul Wall. Does anyone know who he is?

Testing mobile picture blog

STD (Shit To Do) * Not in chronological order*

The boring list:

• Find dress for Saturday's wedding (Weds or Friday)
  
• Do not accumulate any more bruises, scratches, or boo-boos (and hope current ones fade) before wedding on Saturday
• Hair cut/trim. (Weds? Early Thurs?)
• Eye brows waxed (Weds? Early Thurs?)
  
• Meeting with nice lady (Weds 11:15am)
  
• Do not go to jail (Ever)
  
• Community service (No idea)
• Buy replacement cords for all the ones Auggie has used as chew toys
  
• Get rid of this cold. Do I need antibiotics?
• Update Auggie's blog (Coffee time?)
  
• Rabies vaccination for Auggles so she can stay in the best pet hotel EVER while I'm at the wedding because everyone I know will be at the wedding and can't petsit. (Weds 2:45)
• Give Otis a bath and vacuum.
  
• Take Otis to shop and figure out why driver's side blinker will light up, but not blink and fix brake light. (I already tried replacing bulbs, it's a bigger problem than that.)
• Also replace (glue) the rear view mirror than fell off of the windshield and scared the shit out of me.
  
• Get Otis inspected.
  

The exciting list:

• Pick up Wedding Date/World's Best Brother from airport (Thursday, noon o'clock)
• Dinner, drinks, and live music with parentals and WBB (Thursday evening/night)
  
• Watch Jacey get a pedicure or dinner or drinks or coffee or something (Weds evening)
• Drinks with friend who will not be named because they don't comment on my blog (Later Weds night)
• Kindly remind Scott to email me more than three pictures so I can blog about trip to Vegas.
  
• Hopefully meet up with Rhondy if she's in town (Friday)
• Spend lots of quality time with WWB and friends (Thurs-Mon)
• Ben & Tiffani's wedding! (Saturday)
• Get ready for Robin's Spring Break in Seattle!!
• Find a new book to read because I FINALLY finished one today.
• Come up with more exciting blog content
  

Ditziest Day Ever

I was down by the Lakewood Summit Compaq Church this morning and thought, "Oh, shit, I bet traffic is going to be ridiculous." Then I remembered it was Saturday. One.

I spent about three hours on the phone trying to find a kennel that would be open tomorrow morning (Sunday) so I could drop off my lil Augster.

I met the nice lady from the shelter so Auggles could get her last round of shots because today is Saturday and that's when she's out in Katy. You would think that all that would have set me straight. Nope.

Then, I took Miss Auggie out to the OKT to borrow my parents' printer and they were on their way out the door to go run errands. (I like to show up unannounced) My dad tells me they're going to renew the registration for my mom's car. "Can you do that on a Sunday?" "It's Saturday." "Oh, yeah. Well, still... can you do that on a Saturday?" Two.

We get back to house and I walk halfway towards the mailbox and turn around and go into the house. Mail doesn't come on Sunday. Three.

I ask Robin how her weekend was. She says, "It's just starting, silly." Oh, yeah. Four.

I check postsecret and am confused/annoyed that they didn't post anything this week. Five.

On my way to Target (second time today, I'm a ditz and forgot pretty much everything I went there to purchase), I drive by the TJ Maxx to see what time they close. 8pm. Lame! Why does everything close so damned early on Sunday? Six.

Thitry minutes later, I'm at Target and Robin texts me to ask what kind of vodka she should buy. I type, "You can't buy liquor on Sunday, you dork"... erase it and send a nicer reply after realizing I am the one that is the dork. Seven.

I literally look at the time as soon as I send the text and head to the front of the store because I think Target is about to close... because I think they close at 9pm. Because I think it's Sunday. Eight.

I drive over to Kohls to see what time they close. 9pm. LAME!

I go across the street to Wal-Mart, park, and realize for the ninth time today that it is SATURDAY and Kohls is still open... turn around and go back over there and buy some cute shoes!

I also nearly panicked this morning when I couldn't find my keys in my purse after valet parking my truck. Later, I spent entirely too much time walking in circles around my house looking for those same keys that turned out to be in my pocket the whole time. (I usually hang them from the deadbolt of the front door) I don't know what my damn problem is... I blame waiting about an hour after I woke up to have coffee.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

I'm pumped full of coffee and feel like I should blog. I don't know if anything good will come of it, but I'm going for it anyway.

I know I promised not to talk about the puppy, but I'm breaking that promise to say this: She's being a little butt. 98% of the time she is well behaved and adorable. 2% of the time she is OUT OF CONTROL. Read about it here. Also, she's growing so fast! She's all legs, she looks like an AT-AT Walker. (google it, non-geeks)

The lady I had the interview with last week called me this morning to offer me the job... a week later. I thanked her very much for the opportunity (to call the health department and have her shut down), but declined. She didn't understand. "Why? Did you get another job?" Yes, ma'am. "Don't you think you should have called and let me know?"

"I'm sorry, you said you would call me on Monday with a decision, when I didn't hear from you, I took it as an indication that you had filled the position."

"Well, thanks a lot. You've really put me in a bind here with your inconsideration."

Ok, fuck the high road, I'm done playing nice with this crazy person. "Ma'am, the truth is, I didn't accept another job offer. It's just, with all due respect, I do not feel like I would be a good fit for your establishment."

"This is a really easy job. A monkey could do it. I will train you." If I'm not going to use the high road, I might as well burn the bridge to it. "What?!? No, ma'am. Did you read my resume? Do you remember our interview? I know I am more than qualified for this position. I've managed places that brought in $70,000 weekly. No offense, but I doubt you'll see those numbers annually. Thank you for your time and good luck." I hang up.

WTF? I get up to refill my coffee and my phone rings. You have GOT to be kidding me. At this point all the other things I could have said are running through my head and I'm half tempted to answer and go at it again with her... but, I decide against it. I really wish she had left a voicemail so I could share it.

I hope that lady finds her monkey, I think it would be great friends with her rabbit.

Kitchen Nightmares

Why do people with no restaurant experience open restaurants? This may be the case in other fields also... I don't know. I haven't interviewed out of this field in years. I just came from the worst interview ever with an owner that had no idea what she's doing.

I arrived ten minutes early and she was on the phone, she asked the caller to hold and asks if she can help me. When I introduce myself as her 9am interview, she looks at her watch and sighs. "You're early." The horror! I offer to wait outside if she'd like to finish her call in private. She continues her phone call, shocked, amazed, and annoyed that she cannot obtain a liquor license because she's within 1,000 feet of a school. Uh, first of all... this isn't a new law. Secondly, shouldn't you have looked into that before you bought/leased the property?

I'm browsing the menu and find two typos and a few grammatical headaches, also a few items that I cannot imagine anyone in their right mind ordering. The prices are reasonable. Almost too reasonable to turn a profit. She ends the phone call and is clearly still upset about her liquor license. Maybe this distracted her and resulted in her asking me every question you are not allowed to ask in an interview.

Including, but not limited to: How old are you? Do you have kids? Are you married? Can you work Sundays or do you attend church?

It was amazing. At this point I had already decided I was not interested in working at this establishment, but took the tour with her out of courtesy. There was a pet rabbit in the kitchen. I repeat: there was a LIVE RABBIT in the KITCHEN.

She had told me that the place had been open about a month, but they were waiting until they were fully staffed to 'announce that they existed'. I asked when the Grand Opening would be. "We're already open." Right, I'm sorry. I thought you said you had a soft opening and were planning a Grand Opening. "No. (looks at me like I just kicked her pet rabbit) We're already open. I have flyers I'm going to give out when we're fully staffed." Sigh.

Amazing.

What's on Gobbles' Head?

If you love drunk dialing as much as I do- that's not sarcasm... I really do love it- dialing and receiving, you're going to love drunk picture messaging!

So, imagine my excitement when I heard the designated picture message ring tone at 1:30 in the morning, I knew it was going to be good. Except it was nothing. "Picture Message Failed!" I'm told, with a loud beep just in case I wasn't paying attention. I replied with a text to ask my buzzed little photog to try again. The phone rings, she can't figure out why it won't send. Maybe she can email me the picture from her phone, but I have to promise to put it on my blog.

I'm not one to break a promise, so I'd like you to meet Gobbles and his new hat that was bought for him in a bar bathroom. Ain't he cute?

What I Like About You (Just like Rhondy's post, but with pictures!)

In keeping with my recent theme of ripping off everything Rhondy posts on her blog, I'm doing my own 'What I like about you' blog. In an attempt to be diplomatic, I'm just going to use the top few friends on that archaic social networking site called myspace. Apparently, it still exists! I'm also going to rip off Rhondy's foundation of a short intro and then a favorite memory.



Rhondy

Rhondy is my favorite. She's my BFFFFFF... FFFFF. She only has two faults: that she lives too far away from me and that she doesn't have a damn cell phone so I can't call or text her whenever I want. I love that she agrees to drive from Austin to Katy so we can drive to El Campo to see a band she's never actually heard, only heard about from me. That's just the kind of person she is. Although we have shared some pretty crazy adventures, she's usually the voice of reason when my Hurricane Law instinct starts urging me to do something really ridiculous like stealing a school bus or the really crazy shit I wanted to do when I was younger and wilder that probably is best not to mention. She's always been there when I've needed her (which is often), I still can't express what it meant to me when she dropped everything to drive to GranFreakingBury, Texas to accompany me to my Ewic's funeral.

Favorite Memory:
This is really hard because we've been friends for so many years. So, instead of just picking one, I'm going to list a bunch of inside jokes that will only make sense to us. "Get on my wavelength!" (jump), "Dirt. It was in a bag.", "Duff is homeless", Memorial City Hospitals are following the Wal-Mart rule, "Look, it's Brooks and Dunn", Hikin' Rhondy and the Flying Sellout Tortilla Sisters.... this could go on forever so I'll stop there. Just know that we are funnier and smarter than you.

Travis
Travis is my favorite brother. He has three faults: he lives too far away from me, he doesn't call me as often as he should, and he doesn't read my blog. So, someone will have to tell him about all the nice things I write about him. Other than that he's pretty much perfect. If you're lucky enough to know him you know that he is the smartest, funniest, good lookin'-iest, most generous, and most caring person you will probably ever meet in your life.

Favorite Memory:
Also hard because I've known him his whole life. I'm just going to go with the whole Hurricane Ike weekend, even though he passed up a free chance to stay a few extra days. Bastard. Also, the first night I came into Denver for his Graduation Weekend and he, Weido, Jake (who I also love, even though he's not on the list) and I were all in the Bronco singing (screaming) along to Roger Creager. I don't care how sappy this sounds, there's just something about singing lyrics like "Runnin' with your buddies who don't give a damn" and "Things look good around here" with three of your favorite people in the world. Memories like these are probably why I love Roger Creager so damn much. His songs remind me of my brubber.

Weido

Mark is my 'other brother'. He does all the 'guy stuff' I need help with since my brother lives a thousand miles away, like help me move and mow my lawn. He's probably wishing I would get a boyfriend so he would get let off the hook. Also, when I was managing a restaurant and was ridiculously short staffed, he came in and bartended for me on like a two hour notice. He's also HILARIOUS.

Favorite Memory:
I try to keep this blog as clean as possible, so it's hard to think of a Weido story to share... I already mentioned Ike and TW's Grad weekend (where he taught my grandmother how to play Flip Cup and relentlessly harassed a waiter to bring him Cambodian Breast Milk) so... I think I'll go with the time we went to the Midnite Rodeo and he wore my mom's headset the whole night, not connected to anything... but convinced people his dad owned the place and he was getting very important communications. Then had a dance-off with my brother. I thought we were going to get our asses kicked by some rednecks. OH! Or the time he convinced the band at Einsteins to let him get on stage and sing Hootie and the Blowfish.

Jacey
I've known Jacey since kindergarten. We're BBFs. I like to think that we played a pretty big part in each other's adolescence, especially the awkward Junior High years. Eek. Thankfully, we both survived and became the smart, funny, and all around awesome young ladies we are today. I know Rhondy already mentioned that Jacey is a ridiculous cook and host, but it should be repeated. When I was a nervous wreck counting the hours before my parent's surprise party, Jacey helped keep me in check.

Favorite Memory:
This might sound lame, but the day after RhoJo's party. We spent the whole day cooking, sipping (we were too hungover to go at it again full force), and talking. And looking at yearbooks. And picking on poor Dean, who didn't deserve any of it he was just outnumbered. I told you it might sound lame, but it wasn't. I promise.

Robin
Robin and I met because Rhondy was driving from Dallas to Katy during Allison and had Misty's phone, but failed to give me the number. (I love Rhondy, but when it comes to traveling and cell phones, she's retarded.) When the news showed me a firetruck floating on I45, I started to worry, so I stalked Misty's best friend Robin on the internet to IM her and ask her if she had Misty's number. She didn't. But, we've been IMing ever since. It's kind of sad, we even text each other to bug the other to get online... but, it's something I look forward to every day. And for the record, the picture I chose isn't an insult to Robin... I just know she doesn't like her face on the internet if it's not password protected. I have other pics I wanted to use, but thought I should ask her first.

Favorite Memory:
Geocaching was awesome. So was our trip to the zoo. And our bar hopping adventure to downtown Houston involving hottie in a tie, Robin jumping in the back of my truck while waiting for me to say goodbye to my new friend in the bar parking lot, Taco Cabana, and using a Port-a-Potty.


Andy

Andy and I also go way back to the Hutsell Hornet days of yore. He's nice, funny, and an amazing father to the most awesome two year old boy you've ever met. He's pretty good with the "Your Mom" jokes, but not as good as me. No one is, though. He's also pretty spontaneous, which is good if you want to try to keep up with me... it took little to no convincing for him to agree to stalk Roger Creager with me or to drive up to Denver to visit my favorite brother.

Favorite Memory:
Hmmmm... why are the memories so hard to narrow down? Last season's Astros home opener, chasing turkeys in Colorado and in Texas, BRAUMS!, treating a crowd of about five to every song about Texas we could find on karaoke night at a bar in Denver, staying up till the sun comes up drinking and laughing (on many occasions)

John Mack
The myth, the man, the legend. All you need to know about John Mack is that he rocks your face. (That's what she said) John Mack plays it by beer, or flask, whatever the case may be. Together, we have perfected the "Hug and Pour Maneuver" which involves one of us pouring the contents of a flask into the other's drink while appearing to onlookers that we're just sharing a hug. He also has a strange fascination with sausage biscuits...

Favorite Memory:
Mini Corn Dogs, many Astros games, X-Mas tree lighting, stalking (and naming) J-Dawg, Monday Night Football, talking about my blog...


Ok, that's it. Hope you liked it. If you didn't make the list, I'm sorry. Be nicer to me and maybe you'll make the next one. Which will be whenever Rhondy makes a new one. I just copy everything she does. That's just how I roll.

Brace Yourself for Dorkiness Overload

Rhondy got a new web cam. Naturally, I wanted to get in on this. So, I'm calling out Rhondy, Robin (you can use puppets), and Jacey and declaring a video blogging war. Because anything worth doing is worth over doing.



Warning: this is probably only slightly humorous to Rhondy (or maybe to you if you watch hers first, but probably not). If you're at work or around kids, although I was making a conscious effort not to drop the F Bomb, I do say "shit" a few times.



And, of course, the follow up. It's dark. Sorry.



Also, Auggie has been posting videos!

Ground Hog Day

You can read the backstory here, but basically all you need to know is that my mom doesn't send out a family newsletter at Christmas, she sends it out on Ground Hog Day. She's been doing it for almost 30 years. That's just how she rolls.

A few days ago she told me she was considering compiling a list this year, and asked if I wanted to write my own entry. I completely forgot about it until she reminded me at midnight. So, my list is not as witty as I'd had hoped it to be... mostly because I couldn't remember a damn thing that has happened since last February. And don't get too excited because I didn't have professional portraits done like I vowed after last year. (Did you read the backstory?)

Anyhoo.... clicky clicky to check out my mom's Ground Hog Day newsletter.

Weird Dreams Exclamation Point

I had a dream the other night that everyone called out punctuation marks when speaking. Example: "Hello exclamation point How are you question mark" I ended up in an argument with someone because I said 'semi colon' when they felt I should have said 'colon'. It got pretty heated when in the confrontation I said 'exclamation point' and the person thought I was attacking them.

Last night I had an even more ridiculous dream... my mom drug me to some Texas Swing show in a high school cafeteria. Willie Nelson was there and kept trying to dance with my mom and put her hands on his bum. There was also a guy there that I knew, but he was younger in the dream than he actually is, and he was hitting on me hardcore, but I couldn't pay attention to him because Willie Nelson was puttin' the moves on my mom! Oh! And the band was playing polka music and Black Sabbath covers. It was all very, very odd.

I blame Robin for the first dream- she had just told me about a crazy dream she had before I went to sleep. And her grammar is perfect, so that one kind of makes sense. The second one may have something to do with me reading an email before I went to bed from my mom asking me to pick my grandparents from the airport on Sunday so she can go see a Texas Swing band.

Am I Getting Softer in My Old Age?

I got a puppy! Her name is Augustus, she's about nine weeks old and she's stinkin' adorable.

I'm going to be honest with you, I never thought I'd be the type of person that would have the urge to inundate their blog with posts like, "Oh, my gaw! Auggie is too small to jump up on the couch, but she tries to pull herself up and falls over and gets up and tries again! It's so cute!" or "Awww! Auggie is sleeping with her tongue out! It's the most precious thing in the world!".

And I'm pretty sure you don't read my blog for shit like that. But, I have that urge. So, in an effort to keep this blog adorable-free, Auggie has her own blog.

If you like amusing posts as told by a puppy and tons of cute pictures, you're going to love it. If that's not how you roll, stay here. I won't judge.

Rhondy is Magic

When we were at the bar in El Campo, freezing under the ac vent and waiting for Creager to come on, Rhondy asked me what ever happened to my BFF Travi. I told her he went MIA a few years ago, I found his twin brother on myspace a couple years ago and he had no idea where he was. Every couple months I search the book and the space to see if he's gone public again, but hadn't had any luck. Then I felt sad, because I miss him so much, and guilty because I should've called his mom and had coffee with her. She's a cool lady. We did a shot toasting Travi, hoping he was well.

Less than 24 hours later, I'm in the middle of the heated fan war, when I notice I have a message in my inbox. IT'S FROM TRAVI! He's back in Houston! The next day, I talked to him on the phone and I can't tell you what it felt like to hear his voice again.

I tell Rhondy that I found him (or he found me) and she says, "You're welcome." Heheh, I love Rhondy.

We're going to meet at happy hour today and I'm so excited I might piss myself.

Totally unrelated: I think Diane Sawyer is throwing her hat into the 'Craziest Morning Show Correspondent' race. Willard Scott and Al Roker better watch their asses.

Fan Wars and Roger Creager (revised)

I had a fairly busy weekend and I missed a few days, and I can live with that. I'm not going to post date.

Robin and I have a pretty intense Fan War going on over at the book. You may be confused because a week ago she surrendered, naming me champion. I'm confused, too. But, I'm a good sport, so I'll allow the rematch.

I think it all started because Robin lives about 2,281 miles away (that's what Google Maps tells me, anyway) so we IM often, usually late at night after (or while) drinking and random things that would fail to interest or amuse anyone else is hilarious as f..k to us. Actually, the same could be said of us when we're sober.

So, basically we search facebook for things to become fans of... random and unusual is encouraged, lying is discouraged. I still question her new found fondness of lions. I know it's only amusing to us, and I'm sorry if we've been blowing up your newsfeed with notifications like "Robin has just become a fan of Everything" followed by "Ceci has just become a friend of Everything And More!". It keeps us pretty busy.

I also went with my BFF Rhondy to El Campo to see Roger Creager. It was Rhondy's first time and I think I made a believer of her. It was fricking awesome. It's a public blog so these are the only details you get: We made new friends, almost stole a school bus, had a fan pointed at me, and Rhondy learned to dance. Not in that order. Check the pictures on the book. Sorry, myspace.

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ETA: As I was writing this, a brilliant idea came to me. So perfectly brilliant that I couldn't believe that neither of us had thought of it earlier. I made a fan page for Robin. Then I giggled for about 30 minutes until she got home, logged into the book, and saw "Ceci became a fan of Robin". Seconds later I received the congratulatory IM. So, it's officially over. I am the undefeated champion of a game I created. Of course, Robin then made a fan page for me...

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Once again, Not What I Was Hoping For

Let me preface this by saying that I love Robin. Luh-huve her. She is honestly one of the funniest, most creative and intelligent people I know. I'm proud to call her one of my best friends.

Hopefully, you read our IM transcript in which I come across as a complete idiot as Robin's joke goes right over my head. If you haven't read it, please do so before continuing.

Before we signed off last night (the conversation occurred last night, I've been postdating) I tell her that she should take video of Eli jumping for me. So, imagine my excitement when she gets online tonight and tells me she has a video to email me. Excited, right?

Now, imagine my reaction when I see this:



Haha... OH MY GAWD!!!

Ok, Oscar sitting up on her hind legs is stinkin' adorable, there's no denying that.

But, the damn Mexican Jumping Bean isn't frickin' jumping!!! There is absolutely no action in this video outside of camera movement! She might as well had sent me a frickin' picture of the bean!

Hopefully I can try to convince her to try again. Sigh.

Big Fish Story (Thanksgiving 08)

Somehow my dad got stuck on the Girl's Boat with my mom, Cookie, and myself. After a while, I'm the only one that hasn't hooked anything and I'm getting pretty damn impatient. I alternate between calling "Here, fishie-fishies!" when I cast and declaring, "I suck at this!" repeatedly.

We see a boat approaching and it's the Boy's Boat! (Papa, Uncle Neal, and Steve) My mom tells them she's caught a few, but no keepers. Cookie tells them she's caught a few, one keeper. I raise my beer and say "I caught a buzz!" They laugh and head back to the house.

Not long after this, I feel a nibble so I 'set the hook' and holy shit. "Ahhhh! I think I got something big!" I know I'm not really the strongest, but reeling this thing in became a serious work out. I shoved the end of the pole in my belly button and tried to hold the rod up as I reeled, but it wasn't working. My dad sees what's going on and comes over to help me hold the rod up and after about 20 minutes I finally pull in a 31 inch 18 pound Black Drum.




My dad decided it was too big too eat, it would be mealy. So, after we tied it to the boat to take back to the house to show Papa and weigh it, we let my monster fish go.

For about a week after this, I complained of internal injuries. My stomach was bruised and any movement/bending was not pleasant... totally worth it.

So, uh, What's Going on in Your Neck of the Woods?

OK, I know I said I was going to stop posting videos in-lieu of actual posts, but this is just too frickin' hilarious not to share.

Mexican Jumping Beans by Ceci & Robin

Ceci: Be funny so I can just cut and paste our IMs like back in the day
robin: Haha oh jesus
No pressure
Ceci: aaaand, go!
robin: Ok
So, um

15 minutes later:
Robin: I bought these Mexican jumping beans at the Houston airport
as I was flying out
Ceci: hahah
Really?
Robin: 3 came in a box
Yes
I named them Eli, Ichabad and Jennifer
Jennifer is dead
Ceci: Those aren't Mexican names
Robin: Eli is still kicking it when it gets warm
Like right now
I hear him
Jumping
Ceci: I think you're doing it wrong
Robin: I'm sure I am
Ceci: How did Jennifer die?
Robin: Well... it got really cold here
I tried to keep them warm, but she was the smallest
and you're supposed to water them once a week
I might have lapsed on that
Ceci: What?
Robin: Yeah
They're caterpillars. Really...
They can't dry out
Ceci: Shut up!
Real ones?
Robin: Yeah
Ceci: I'm googling this
Robin: I had to research it
They're pretty cool
Ceci: But apparently not cool enough to properly care for
Robin: Shut up!
I'm a busy person
http://www.jbean.com/
This is the company that I bought them from
They play REALLY annoying music
You must listen to
Ceci: They're sold out! I have to wait until June to get some!
Robin: I know
I'm going to buy more then
Ceci: They also sell coffee....
Robin: oh jesus
I wouldn't drink it
Jennifer's relatives
Ceci: Moth eggs!
Robin: Are in it
Ceci: Are in what?
Robin: coffee
Ceci: You put them in coffee??
Robin: NO!
Ceci: That can't be good
Robin: I'm just assuming
Jeez
Ceci: You said "Jennifer's relatives are in it"
Are in what?
Oh,
Robin: coffeee!
Ceci: Wait
I think I get it now
Robin: My god
Ceci: You're saying they put
Robin: About fucking time
Ceci: Hahah
Robin: Hahaha
Ceci: Rejected moth eggs in the coffee
Hahah
Robin: Good
Ceci: Right?
Robin: Yes
Reject it
Ceci: OK. I'm with you now
Robin: Don't take it
Say no to jumping bean coffee
Ceci: Hahah, but...
Yeah, it's probably better not to
Robin: Only Eli jumps
I think I killed the other one
Damn it
They were $2
Ceci: How do you keep killing them?
Robin: Well... they weren't supposed to live beyond Dec
Ceci: Oh
Robin: and it's not exactly Mexico climate here
Ceci: Well, then... Congrats!
Robin: haha thanks

To Cheat or Not to Cheat

So, I totally neglected my blog and the ridiculous idea that I would blog everyday seems so... well, ridiculous. What ends up happening is I post youtube videos and lame three sentence blogs. That wasn't the idea at all.

I'm only 3 posts away from catching up, so at this point, I'll just fake three more and hope that I can keep up from here on out. Because, honestly, if it gets away from me again, I'm going to let it. (Wow, there are way too many commas in that sentence. Damn you, alcohols!)

Anyway, I think it's better to make decent posts at irregular intervals than to post shit every day just for the sake of posting. Ya know... quality over quantity.

Whopper Virgins take 2

Worst campaign EVER.

SWA Dining Update.

Oh! I forgot to tell you that the SWA dining rewards thing worked! My account was credited, and thanks to the bonus sign up points, I'm only $4.98 away from my next 1/4 credit! They also added more establishments, but still no Cucos or Steins.

Yeah, I'm totally just trying to catch up. I hate NaBloMoPo.

Reading Update

Of all the resolutions I made, reading more is definitely the one I've had the most success with. I've already finished two books since the year started! Ok, I was halfway through the first one when the year started, but it counts. The second book, as mentioned earlier, is called "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell". I didn't know anything about it, I just saw it on the shelf at Half Priced Books and thought the title was funny. The back cover told me this:

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way: I share my adventures with the world.

I think I'm purchasing a witty novel about drunken exploits. I actually purchased a blog. It's just a collection of short stories lifted directly from his website (he never used the term blog, he's clearly too pretentious to consider himself a blogger). So, I'm even more upset that I paid $5 for this piece of shit I could have read online for free.

It's almost as though he read "A Confederacy of Dunces" and thought to himself, "This Ignatius Reilly guy is onto something with the constant verbal abuse to people he feels are intellectually inferior, I should do that." Except, of course, he does it wrong.

I read the whole book, it's an easy read if you get over the tediousness, mostly because I kept thinking there would be some change towards the end. That he would realize he wasn't God's gift to the world and show some shred of humanity. He doesn't. He continues to talk about himself in the third person, name events and grading scales after himself, and go out of his way to be the most vile piece of shit he can. If he weren't so full of himself (he constantly tells the reader how awesome and intelligent he is) and his exploits came accidentally, it might have been a decent read. In all fairness, he did warn me in the first sentence that he's an asshole. I think this is the only time he's ever been modest.

They're making the "book" into a movie. Sigh....

Awesome!

The most ridiculous thing about this commercial? It's available in VHS!

Not What I Was Hoping For

Our friend Toby Jones over at Jones' Big Ass Truck Rental and Storage finally dropped his second commercial. It's cute, but not as hilarious as the first one.



I wish my birthday was coming up so I could ask for one of those shirts his momma makes.