Thursday, November 8, 2012

Puppy Puke Part 2

My apartment complex has become a thriving butterfly community.  There are little yellow ones and little orange ones everywhere.  I do not like butterflies or moths.  They used to downright terrify me.  If one came within fifty feet of me, I would scream and run.  Now, I flinch at at initial discovery and just keep my eyes on the little shit until I am sure it has traveled a safe distance from me.

Auggie loves all flying insects.  She catches them and eats them.  It is a handy habit when a fly or mosquito hawk finds it's way into the apartment, a hilarious habit when she bites into a stinkbug, and a stressful habit when she catches a bee or wasp.

The past few days, our time at the dog park has consisted of her gleefully chasing and eating butterflies while I play poker on my phone.  Every so often, I'll glance up because I get a sick thrill from watching my little exterminator at work.  Today I looked up to find her at the very back of the park, with her nose to the ground.  Assuming she was eating something she shouldn't (mushroom, dog shit, dead animal) I yelled for her to stop and ran out to her.

As I got closer, I realized she wasn't eating anything at all.  Just the opposite.  Poor thing was vomiting.  I started talking to her in my soothing voice, "Aw, baby.  It's going to be ok."   And that's when I saw it.

There in the small puddle of puke, two butterflies.  One little yellow one.  One little orange one.  Most elegant vomit ever.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Are my Neighbors Immortal?

I found this saved as a draft, but never published. 
 September 25, 2010.  

Every month my Community Association distributes a sad clip-art laden newsletter. When I see the green magazine in my mailbox, I immediately flip to the classified ads. I like to create scenarios to explain the weird shit that my crazy-ass neighbors are pedaling.

Last month there was an ad for a cemetery plot. This bothered me for days... why would someone sell a cemetery plot? Maybe they decided to have their remains cremated. Maybe they were recently married and their spouse had already made arrangements to be buried elsewhere. Maybe they were given a second plot as a gift. Google suggests that people hit by the recession have turned to selling their plots to supplement their income. Maybe they've found the fountain of youth and become immortal.

I still find a community newsletter an odd choice to try to unload a cemetery plot... there must be a better place to advertise this than nestled in between a Treadmill and Ikea dining room set. Also, who buys a cemetery plot from a community newsletter?

So, when I checked my mail this afternoon and saw the newsletter I flipped directly to the Classifieds to see if the item had been re-listed or if one of my other crazy neighbors actually purchased it.

  • Engagement ring
  • China place settings
  • Cemetery plot!
  • Child's wheelchair & dirt bike (wait, what?)
  • Cemetery plot! 
  • Used piano 
  • Cemetery plot!

THREE of my neighbors are now selling their funeral plots... I'm tempted to call and ask some questions.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

In Dreams

I have been having some very odd, vivid dreams recently. The first stemmed from one of my best friends having a birthday and this was the first in several years that we didn't travel to Las Vegas to celebrate.

In the dream, I was visiting him at his home in Steamboat Springs, Colorado where he owns a bar. But, he had decided to change the business model from a swanky niteclub to a frozen daiquiri bar. In a ski town. He had already concocted a few specialty cocktails- the Catfish (my nickname for him) was Dreamsicle flavored with a frozen cherry flavored floater. It featured a cherry jello shot in the shaped of a fish "swimming" in the bottom and was topped with six cherries, the stems were the whiskers. It was really quite beautiful.

I attempted to dissuade him from moving forward with this new venture, but he had already purchased 15 frozen daiquiri machines.

The second strange dream stems from falling asleep watching Chelsea Lately and waking up to a Charlie Sheen special. Last time I fall asleep watching E!

In the dream, I met Charlie Sheen at a mall, he asked my opinion of a shirt he was considering purchasing and we just started talking. He invited me to go to a summer camp with him. You can't turn down an offer like that... so, we went to camp. We went horseback riding and made crafts. At one point we took an innocent bubble bath together, because that's what you do at summer camp with Charlie Sheen. Duh. We became great friends and he cried when camp was over. He was a really nice guy in the dream, I woke up feeling sorry for him.

Monday, February 14, 2011


When I was about 16, I was single on Valentine's Day. I had just broken up with a guy, or more accurately, he had been seeing someone else for most of our "relationship" and I found out about it. I was upset and hurt that a lot of people I had considered to be my friends had known about the other girl and didn't tell me. So, Valentine's Day comes along and everyone was going out but I declined to join them because the ex and his new girl would be at the same party.

I was set to spend the night home alone, locked i
n my room listening to the same song on repeat and writing shitty, angsty teen poetry but my best friend Ewic had other plans for me. I was home alone, so I almost didn't even answer the door because I figured it was a neighbor looking for my parents. But, when I did, I saw Ewic holding a single red rose, a pack of Marlboro Reds, and a 6-pack of Budweiser. He said something corny like, "All my favorite Red's favorite reds."

He skipped the party to hang out with me.

I've been thinking about Ewic a lot recently. I've been going through some stuff and I really wish I could call him, he was always my first phone call when I was upset. I miss him terribly, but I'm thankful for memories like this that remind me what an awesome friend I had.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Patios, Puke, and Panties

Back me up here, pet owners, there is one sound that will wake you from the deepest of sleeps. I don't care if you are passed out drunk, under the heavy influence of sleeping aids, or in a damn coma; you hear the cough-gag-retch of your furry four-legged BFF and you bolt straight up and are at full attention.

I can sleep through my alarm, phone ringing, dog jumping on the bed, hurricanes... but that distinct cough-retch-gag... I am UP. This morning it jolted me out of a "sleeping aid + head cold + 3 hrs shitty sleep the night before" slumber. I shot straight up, grabbed Auggie and scrambled. Shit. I'm on the 3rd floor. There is no way in hell I can leash her and get her downstairs in time. What the hell do I do? I've been awake all of 20 seconds, so my thought process is a little off.

I run into the bathroom and held her over the sink. That immediately seemed like a stupid idea. It was. She just wiggled and moved her head around no where in the vicinity of the sink. Think, Dummy! Toilet! I puke in the toilet, why shouldn't a dog?

She didn't like being held over the toilet any more than she liked being aimed over the sink. Bathtub! No... think! Oh, balcony!

I run to the balcony, sling the door open and as soon as she hits the ground- vomit! Yes! I am a genius! A genius in her underwear, standing on the balcony with the loud sounds of doggie vomit to attract the attention of the group of kids in the parking lot.

Good morning.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow....

Dear Tuaca,

This is hard enough as it is, please don't make this awkward.


We've had the best of times, and the worst of times. I still remember that day (night) in Denver when we first met. I was young and lonely and you were looking to make a name for yourself and free. Oh, so free. We were a match made in heaven. Sweet, vanilla-caramel heaven.

You and I have been together, thick and thin, for about seven years (This may be inaccurate: I suck at math). You didn't always complete my needs, so I sometimes asked for your friend Redbull to join us. Thank you for understanding and not making that into more than what it was.

We had a good run, Tuaca. I'm going to miss you. There will be times when I speak your name instead of your yet-to-be-decided-replacement. No one said this would be easy.

I just want you to know that it's not you, it's me. Somehow, I've just outgrown what we had. I don't know what changed, but you made me physically sick twice tonight. I think we've just both come to a point in our lives in which it would benefit both of us to part ways.

I hope there are no hard feelings, Tuaca. And I"m not saying this is the end... who knows... we may find each other again down the road... but for now... for now, this is best.


Monday, August 3, 2009

Dream on

I don't always remember my dreams, but when I do they're pretty ridiculous.

Last night I had a dream that I somehow went back in time and my family and I were on a vacation in New Orleans the day before Katrina would hit. Of course, no one would believe me that shit was about to hit the fan and we needed to get the hell out of Dodge. I was torn between abandoning them in search of my own safety or going down with them.

There was also a part in the dream where we were at a restaurant and wanted coffee, but our server refused to make any for us. We got into a very heated argument about this in which he said I could come back tomorrow and he would make coffee which just further frustrated me because I knew the whole city would be destroyed tomorrow and no one would believe me.

Auggie was with us on the trip (I guess puppies can time travel, too) and as the storm was coming in, she turned into a raccoon and started doing sign language to tell me she was hungry. I wasn't able to feed her in a timely enough fashion, so she BIT my lower stomach. It hurt so much it woke me up... or maybe I woke myself up yelling "OW! OW! OW!" Once I realized Auggie was not a raccoon and at the foot of the bed no where close to my stomach and the sharp pain ceased... I knew there was no chance of falling back to sleep and I should just get up and make my own damn coffee.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Guess Who's Back?

Remember like eight months ago when I was obsessed with Jones Big Ass Truck Rental and Storage? I thought the first "commercial" was so hilarious and I made you all watch it. It still makes me laugh... a lot.

Well, someone remembered my obsession with Mr. Jones and sent me a link to his newest effort:

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


This one probably only pertains to the ladies. I know it's happened to all of you- you're mid stream in a public restroom and realize you picked the stall with no toilet paper and you're all alone. You have two viable options: risk doing the pants around the ankle sprint to the next stall without getting caught or waiting it out until someone comes to your rescue. Classy lady that you are, you decide to wait it out.

No matter how long you wait, there is no greater relief than the sound of the bathroom door opening and your new personal hero coming in to pass you a ridiculous amount of tp under the stall door.

Hero of the Day: Toilet Paper Savior

Monday, June 1, 2009

I'm Bringing Blogging Back

So, you may have noticed I haven't been blogging much recently. It's because I don't love you. No, not really. I've just been busy.

Anyway, every month the good folks over at NaBloMoPo send me an email inviting me to participate in their month-long themed blogging. The past few subjects have been lame, so I've ignored them. June's theme, however, is heroes. I can get on board with that.

I'm four days behind, so I'm going to throw a couple quick ones in to catch up, then I'm committed to the rest of the Hero Month.

Hero of the day: The guy that made "hero" the theme for June! Kudos to you, good sir. Or ma'am.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

What I've been doing for the past 30 days in pictures:

(Click on pictures to enlarge)

Viva Las Vegas!

I was lucky enough to be able to celebrate one of my best friend's birthday with him in Las Vegas this March. Even though Scott had invited me in back in December, I had forgotten (damn you, alcohols) and it was a last minute trip. I booked the flight three days before the trip with help from an old Coex coworker and the most expensive SWA flight I've ever taken. But, I love my Catfish and I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Because there isn't enough going on in Vegas, we created a new game called "Vegas Slugbug". It basically involved picking a tourist sterotype a day (Nascar jackets, hawaiian shirt, etc) and punching the snot out of your friends if you're the first one to spot an infraction. Unless you're me. Then you squeal and point and get punched on both arms by your friends.

The Bar & Niteclub convention was also in town, so we took advantage of that and went to the Flair competetion and drank free (nasty) 3 Olives Vodka. Seriously, grape flavored vodka? They're just doing it wrong.

Johnson Wedding/Rhondy & Brother Visit Weekend

I was already BFFs with Sarah when Ben was born, so I've literally known him his whole life. I remember him crawling around our house in his little Superman onesie, so it was amazing to see him all grown up standing at the alter.

The best part about my brother coming into town is getting together with all of his friends. The worst part about my brother coming to town is that I always gain about 10 pounds from all the food and booze. As an added bonus, Rhondy was also in town for a different wedding, so I got to spend time with her, too!


Seattle has been on my short list of US cities that I really want to visit but haven't for years. One of my other best friends Robin lives up there and when I saw that SWA was running a "Super Seattle Sale", I called her immediately to invite myself up for a visit. I flew up during her Spring Break (Woooo!) and thus began Robin & Ceci's Northwest Adventure.

Robin is the best tour guide ever! She points out everything, things I didn't even know to look for. Like hot dogs with cream cheese. Don't knock it till you try it. They. Are. Amazing.

I got to meet Oscar, the cutest weiner/chihuahua mix EVER, and some of Robin's awesome friends. We had an early morning fire drill, saw the Deadliest Catch boat, Space Needle, met Sammy Drain, and did I mention hot dogs with cream cheese?

Also, I got to catch up with two of
my Houston friends! My friend Jana lives in Ballard and a few days later we met up with Jeff, who was randomly driving through Ellensburg while I was there. Small world, huh?

Opening Day(s)!

You all know I'm somewhat of an Astros fanatic, so I shouldn't have to tell you how ridiculously excited I was for Opening Day. So exited that we showed up at Minute Maid Park about 8 hours before the game.

After the Opening Day festivites we waited in line and were the first to enter... and I was the first to pee! The game didn't go very well, but we had fun because we are champions.

Oh, and I met Paul Wall. Does anyone know who he is?

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Testing mobile picture blog

Monday, March 9, 2009

STD (Shit To Do) * Not in chronological order*

The boring list:
  • Find dress for Saturday's wedding (Weds or Friday)
  • Do not accumulate any more bruises, scratches, or boo-boos (and hope current ones fade) before wedding on Saturday
  • Hair cut/trim. (Weds? Early Thurs?)
  • Eye brows waxed (Weds? Early Thurs?)
  • Meeting with nice lady (Weds 11:15am)
  • Do not go to jail (Ever)
  • Community service (No idea)
  • Buy replacement cords for all the ones Auggie has used as chew toys
  • Get rid of this cold. Do I need antibiotics?
  • Update Auggie's blog (Coffee time?)
  • Rabies vaccination for Auggles so she can stay in the best pet hotel EVER while I'm at the wedding because everyone I know will be at the wedding and can't petsit. (Weds 2:45)
  • Give Otis a bath and vacuum.
  • Take Otis to shop and figure out why driver's side blinker will light up, but not blink and fix brake light. (I already tried replacing bulbs, it's a bigger problem than that.)
  • Also replace (glue) the rear view mirror than fell off of the windshield and scared the shit out of me.
  • Get Otis inspected.
The exciting list:
  • Pick up Wedding Date/World's Best Brother from airport (Thursday, noon o'clock)
  • Dinner, drinks, and live music with parentals and WBB (Thursday evening/night)
  • Watch Jacey get a pedicure or dinner or drinks or coffee or something (Weds evening)
  • Drinks with friend who will not be named because they don't comment on my blog (Later Weds night)
  • Kindly remind Scott to email me more than three pictures so I can blog about trip to Vegas.
  • Hopefully meet up with Rhondy if she's in town (Friday)
  • Spend lots of quality time with WWB and friends (Thurs-Mon)
  • Ben & Tiffani's wedding! (Saturday)
  • Get ready for Robin's Spring Break in Seattle!!
  • Find a new book to read because I FINALLY finished one today.
  • Come up with more exciting blog content

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Ditziest Day Ever

I was down by the Lakewood Summit Compaq Church this morning and thought, "Oh, shit, I bet traffic is going to be ridiculous." Then I remembered it was Saturday. One.

I spent about three hours on the phone trying to find a kennel that would be open tomorrow morning (Sunday) so I could drop off my lil Augster.

I met the nice lady from the shelter so Auggles could get her last round of shots because today is Saturday and that's when she's out in Katy. You would think that all that would have set me straight. Nope.

Then, I took Miss Auggie out to the OKT to borrow my parents' printer and they were on their way out the door to go run errands. (I like to show up unannounced) My dad tells me they're going to renew the registration for my mom's car. "Can you do that on a Sunday?" "It's Saturday." "Oh, yeah. Well, still... can you do that on a Saturday?" Two.

We get back to house and I walk halfway towards the mailbox and turn around and go into the house. Mail doesn't come on Sunday. Three.

I ask Robin how her weekend was. She says, "It's just starting, silly." Oh, yeah. Four.

I check postsecret and am confused/annoyed that they didn't post anything this week. Five.

On my way to Target (second time today, I'm a ditz and forgot pretty much everything I went there to purchase), I drive by the TJ Maxx to see what time they close. 8pm. Lame! Why does everything close so damned early on Sunday? Six.

Thitry minutes later, I'm at Target and Robin texts me to ask what kind of vodka she should buy. I type, "You can't buy liquor on Sunday, you dork"... erase it and send a nicer reply after realizing I am the one that is the dork. Seven.

I literally look at the time as soon as I send the text and head to the front of the store because I think Target is about to close... because I think they close at 9pm. Because I think it's Sunday. Eight.

I drive over to Kohls to see what time they close. 9pm. LAME!

I go across the street to Wal-Mart, park, and realize for the ninth time today that it is SATURDAY and Kohls is still open... turn around and go back over there and buy some cute shoes!

I also nearly panicked this morning when I couldn't find my keys in my purse after valet parking my truck. Later, I spent entirely too much time walking in circles around my house looking for those same keys that turned out to be in my pocket the whole time. (I usually hang them from the deadbolt of the front door) I don't know what my damn problem is... I blame waiting about an hour after I woke up to have coffee.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

I'm pumped full of coffee and feel like I should blog. I don't know if anything good will come of it, but I'm going for it anyway.

I know I promised not to talk about the puppy, but I'm breaking that promise to say this: She's being a little butt. 98% of the time she is well behaved and adorable. 2% of the time she is OUT OF CONTROL. Read about it here. Also, she's growing so fast! She's all legs, she looks like an AT-AT Walker. (google it, non-geeks)

The lady I had the interview with last week called me this morning to offer me the job... a week later. I thanked her very much for the opportunity (to call the health department and have her shut down), but declined. She didn't understand. "Why? Did you get another job?" Yes, ma'am. "Don't you think you should have called and let me know?"

"I'm sorry, you said you would call me on Monday with a decision, when I didn't hear from you, I took it as an indication that you had filled the position."

"Well, thanks a lot. You've really put me in a bind here with your inconsideration."

Ok, fuck the high road, I'm done playing nice with this crazy person. "Ma'am, the truth is, I didn't accept another job offer. It's just, with all due respect, I do not feel like I would be a good fit for your establishment."

"This is a really easy job. A monkey could do it. I will train you." If I'm not going to use the high road, I might as well burn the bridge to it. "What?!? No, ma'am. Did you read my resume? Do you remember our interview? I know I am more than qualified for this position. I've managed places that brought in $70,000 weekly. No offense, but I doubt you'll see those numbers annually. Thank you for your time and good luck." I hang up.

WTF? I get up to refill my coffee and my phone rings. You have GOT to be kidding me. At this point all the other things I could have said are running through my head and I'm half tempted to answer and go at it again with her... but, I decide against it. I really wish she had left a voicemail so I could share it.

I hope that lady finds her monkey, I think it would be great friends with her rabbit.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Kitchen Nightmares

Why do people with no restaurant experience open restaurants? This may be the case in other fields also... I don't know. I haven't interviewed out of this field in years. I just came from the worst interview ever with an owner that had no idea what she's doing.

I arrived ten minutes early and she was on the phone, she asked the caller to hold and asks if she can help me. When I introduce myself as her 9am interview, she looks at her watch and sighs. "You're early." The horror! I offer to wait outside if she'd like to finish her call in private. She continues her phone call, shocked, amazed, and annoyed that she cannot obtain a liquor license because she's within 1,000 feet of a school. Uh, first of all... this isn't a new law. Secondly, shouldn't you have looked into that before you bought/leased the property?

I'm browsing the menu and find two typos and a few grammatical headaches, also a few items that I cannot imagine anyone in their right mind ordering. The prices are reasonable. Almost too reasonable to turn a profit. She ends the phone call and is clearly still upset about her liquor license. Maybe this distracted her and resulted in her asking me every question you are not allowed to ask in an interview.

Including, but not limited to: How old are you? Do you have kids? Are you married? Can you work Sundays or do you attend church?

It was amazing. At this point I had already decided I was not interested in working at this establishment, but took the tour with her out of courtesy. There was a pet rabbit in the kitchen. I repeat: there was a LIVE RABBIT in the KITCHEN.

She had told me that the place had been open about a month, but they were waiting until they were fully staffed to 'announce that they existed'. I asked when the Grand Opening would be. "We're already open." Right, I'm sorry. I thought you said you had a soft opening and were planning a Grand Opening. "No. (looks at me like I just kicked her pet rabbit) We're already open. I have flyers I'm going to give out when we're fully staffed." Sigh.


Thursday, February 12, 2009

What's on Gobbles' Head?

If you love drunk dialing as much as I do- that's not sarcasm... I really do love it- dialing and receiving, you're going to love drunk picture messaging!

So, imagine my excitement when I heard the designated picture message ring tone at 1:30 in the morning, I knew it was going to be good. Except it was nothing. "Picture Message Failed!" I'm told, with a loud beep just in case I wasn't paying attention. I replied with a text to ask my buzzed little photog to try again. The phone rings, she can't figure out why it won't send. Maybe she can email me the picture from her phone, but I have to promise to put it on my blog.

I'm not one to break a promise, so I'd like you to meet Gobbles and his new hat that was bought for him in a bar bathroom. Ain't he cute?

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

What I Like About You (Just like Rhondy's post, but with pictures!)

In keeping with my recent theme of ripping off everything Rhondy posts on her blog, I'm doing my own 'What I like about you' blog. In an attempt to be diplomatic, I'm just going to use the top few friends on that archaic social networking site called myspace. Apparently, it still exists! I'm also going to rip off Rhondy's foundation of a short intro and then a favorite memory.


Rhondy is my favorite. She's my BFFFFFF... FFFFF. She only has two faults: that she lives too far away from me and that she doesn't have a damn cell phone so I can't call or text her whenever I want. I love that she agrees to drive from Austin to Katy so we can drive to El Campo to see a band she's never actually heard, only heard about from me. That's just the kind of person she is. Although we have shared some pretty crazy adventures, she's usually the voice of reason when my Hurricane Law instinct starts urging me to do something really ridiculous like stealing a school bus or the really crazy shit I wanted to do when I was younger and wilder that probably is best not to mention. She's always been there when I've needed her (which is often), I still can't express what it meant to me when she dropped everything to drive to GranFreakingBury, Texas to accompany me to my Ewic's funeral.

Favorite Memory:
This is really hard because we've been friends for so many years. So, instead of just picking one, I'm going to list a bunch of inside jokes that will only make sense to us. "Get on my wavelength!" (jump), "Dirt. It was in a bag.", "Duff is homeless", Memorial City Hospitals are following the Wal-Mart rule, "Look, it's Brooks and Dunn", Hikin' Rhondy and the Flying Sellout Tortilla Sisters.... this could go on forever so I'll stop there. Just know that we are funnier and smarter than you.

Travis is my favorite brother. He has three faults: he lives too far away from me, he doesn't call me as often as he should, and he doesn't read my blog. So, someone will have to tell him about all the nice things I write about him. Other than that he's pretty much perfect. If you're lucky enough to know him you know that he is the smartest, funniest, good lookin'-iest, most generous, and most caring person you will probably ever meet in your life.

Favorite Memory:
Also hard because I've known him his whole life. I'm just going to go with the whole Hurricane Ike weekend, even though he passed up a free chance to stay a few extra days. Bastard. Also, the first night I came into Denver for his Graduation Weekend and he, Weido, Jake (who I also love, even though he's not on the list) and I were all in the Bronco singing (screaming) along to Roger Creager. I don't care how sappy this sounds, there's just something about singing lyrics like "Runnin' with your buddies who don't give a damn" and "Things look good around here" with three of your favorite people in the world. Memories like these are probably why I love Roger Creager so damn much. His songs remind me of my brubber.


Mark is my 'other brother'. He does all the 'guy stuff' I need help with since my brother lives a thousand miles away, like help me move and mow my lawn. He's probably wishing I would get a boyfriend so he would get let off the hook. Also, when I was managing a restaurant and was ridiculously short staffed, he came in and bartended for me on like a two hour notice. He's also HILARIOUS.

Favorite Memory:
I try to keep this blog as clean as possible, so it's hard to think of a Weido story to share... I already mentioned Ike and TW's Grad weekend (where he taught my grandmother how to play Flip Cup and relentlessly harassed a waiter to bring him Cambodian Breast Milk) so... I think I'll go with the time we went to the Midnite Rodeo and he wore my mom's headset the whole night, not connected to anything... but convinced people his dad owned the place and he was getting very important communications. Then had a dance-off with my brother. I thought we were going to get our asses kicked by some rednecks. OH! Or the time he convinced the band at Einsteins to let him get on stage and sing Hootie and the Blowfish.

I've known Jacey since kindergarten. We're BBFs. I like to think that we played a pretty big part in each other's adolescence, especially the awkward Junior High years. Eek. Thankfully, we both survived and became the smart, funny, and all around awesome young ladies we are today. I know Rhondy already mentioned that Jacey is a ridiculous cook and host, but it should be repeated. When I was a nervous wreck counting the hours before my parent's surprise party, Jacey helped keep me in check.

Favorite Memory:
This might sound lame, but the day after RhoJo's party. We spent the whole day cooking, sipping (we were too hungover to go at it again full force), and talking. And looking at yearbooks. And picking on poor Dean, who didn't deserve any of it he was just outnumbered. I told you it might sound lame, but it wasn't. I promise.

Robin and I met because Rhondy was driving from Dallas to Katy during Allison and had Misty's phone, but failed to give me the number. (I love Rhondy, but when it comes to traveling and cell phones, she's retarded.) When the news showed me a firetruck floating on I45, I started to worry, so I stalked Misty's best friend Robin on the internet to IM her and ask her if she had Misty's number. She didn't. But, we've been IMing ever since. It's kind of sad, we even text each other to bug the other to get online... but, it's something I look forward to every day. And for the record, the picture I chose isn't an insult to Robin... I just know she doesn't like her face on the internet if it's not password protected. I have other pics I wanted to use, but thought I should ask her first.

Favorite Memory:
Geocaching was awesome. So was our trip to the zoo. And our bar hopping adventure to downtown Houston involving hottie in a tie, Robin jumping in the back of my truck while waiting for me to say goodbye to my new friend in the bar parking lot, Taco Cabana, and using a Port-a-Potty.


Andy and I also go way back to the Hutsell Hornet days of yore. He's nice, funny, and an amazing father to the most awesome two year old boy you've ever met. He's pretty good with the "Your Mom" jokes, but not as good as me. No one is, though. He's also pretty spontaneous, which is good if you want to try to keep up with me... it took little to no convincing for him to agree to stalk Roger Creager with me or to drive up to Denver to visit my favorite brother.

Favorite Memory:
Hmmmm... why are the memories so hard to narrow down? Last season's Astros home opener, chasing turkeys in Colorado and in Texas, BRAUMS!, treating a crowd of about five to every song about Texas we could find on karaoke night at a bar in Denver, staying up till the sun comes up drinking and laughing (on many occasions)

John Mack
The myth, the man, the legend. All you need to know about John Mack is that he rocks your face. (That's what she said) John Mack plays it by beer, or flask, whatever the case may be. Together, we have perfected the "Hug and Pour Maneuver" which involves one of us pouring the contents of a flask into the other's drink while appearing to onlookers that we're just sharing a hug. He also has a strange fascination with sausage biscuits...

Favorite Memory:
Mini Corn Dogs, many Astros games, X-Mas tree lighting, stalking (and naming) J-Dawg, Monday Night Football, talking about my blog...

Ok, that's it. Hope you liked it. If you didn't make the list, I'm sorry. Be nicer to me and maybe you'll make the next one. Which will be whenever Rhondy makes a new one. I just copy everything she does. That's just how I roll.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Brace Yourself for Dorkiness Overload

Rhondy got a new web cam. Naturally, I wanted to get in on this. So, I'm calling out Rhondy, Robin (you can use puppets), and Jacey and declaring a video blogging war. Because anything worth doing is worth over doing.

Warning: this is probably only slightly humorous to Rhondy (or maybe to you if you watch hers first, but probably not). If you're at work or around kids, although I was making a conscious effort not to drop the F Bomb, I do say "shit" a few times.

And, of course, the follow up. It's dark. Sorry.

Also, Auggie has been posting videos!

Monday, February 2, 2009

Ground Hog Day

You can read the backstory here, but basically all you need to know is that my mom doesn't send out a family newsletter at Christmas, she sends it out on Ground Hog Day. She's been doing it for almost 30 years. That's just how she rolls.

A few days ago she told me she was considering compiling a list this year, and asked if I wanted to write my own entry. I completely forgot about it until she reminded me at midnight. So, my list is not as witty as I'd had hoped it to be... mostly because I couldn't remember a damn thing that has happened since last February. And don't get too excited because I didn't have professional portraits done like I vowed after last year. (Did you read the backstory?)

Anyhoo.... clicky clicky to check out my mom's Ground Hog Day newsletter.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Weird Dreams Exclamation Point

I had a dream the other night that everyone called out punctuation marks when speaking. Example: "Hello exclamation point How are you question mark" I ended up in an argument with someone because I said 'semi colon' when they felt I should have said 'colon'. It got pretty heated when in the confrontation I said 'exclamation point' and the person thought I was attacking them.

Last night I had an even more ridiculous dream... my mom drug me to some Texas Swing show in a high school cafeteria. Willie Nelson was there and kept trying to dance with my mom and put her hands on his bum. There was also a guy there that I knew, but he was younger in the dream than he actually is, and he was hitting on me hardcore, but I couldn't pay attention to him because Willie Nelson was puttin' the moves on my mom! Oh! And the band was playing polka music and Black Sabbath covers. It was all very, very odd.

I blame Robin for the first dream- she had just told me about a crazy dream she had before I went to sleep. And her grammar is perfect, so that one kind of makes sense. The second one may have something to do with me reading an email before I went to bed from my mom asking me to pick my grandparents from the airport on Sunday so she can go see a Texas Swing band.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Am I Getting Softer in My Old Age?

I got a puppy! Her name is Augustus, she's about nine weeks old and she's stinkin' adorable.

I'm going to be honest with you, I never thought I'd be the type of person that would have the urge to inundate their blog with posts like, "Oh, my gaw! Auggie is too small to jump up on the couch, but she tries to pull herself up and falls over and gets up and tries again! It's so cute!" or "Awww! Auggie is sleeping with her tongue out! It's the most precious thing in the world!".

And I'm pretty sure you don't read my blog for shit like that. But, I have that urge. So, in an effort to keep this blog adorable-free, Auggie has her own blog.

If you like amusing posts as told by a puppy and tons of cute pictures, you're going to love it. If that's not how you roll, stay here. I won't judge.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Rhondy is Magic

When we were at the bar in El Campo, freezing under the ac vent and waiting for Creager to come on, Rhondy asked me what ever happened to my BFF Travi. I told her he went MIA a few years ago, I found his twin brother on myspace a couple years ago and he had no idea where he was. Every couple months I search the book and the space to see if he's gone public again, but hadn't had any luck. Then I felt sad, because I miss him so much, and guilty because I should've called his mom and had coffee with her. She's a cool lady. We did a shot toasting Travi, hoping he was well.

Less than 24 hours later, I'm in the middle of the heated fan war, when I notice I have a message in my inbox. IT'S FROM TRAVI! He's back in Houston! The next day, I talked to him on the phone and I can't tell you what it felt like to hear his voice again.

I tell Rhondy that I found him (or he found me) and she says, "You're welcome." Heheh, I love Rhondy.

We're going to meet at happy hour today and I'm so excited I might piss myself.

Totally unrelated: I think Diane Sawyer is throwing her hat into the 'Craziest Morning Show Correspondent' race. Willard Scott and Al Roker better watch their asses.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Fan Wars and Roger Creager (revised)

I had a fairly busy weekend and I missed a few days, and I can live with that. I'm not going to post date.

Robin and I have a pretty intense Fan War going on over at the book. You may be confused because a week ago she surrendered, naming me champion. I'm confused, too. But, I'm a good sport, so I'll allow the rematch.

I think it all started because Robin lives about 2,281 miles away (that's what Google Maps tells me, anyway) so we IM often, usually late at night after (or while) drinking and random things that would fail to interest or amuse anyone else is hilarious as f..k to us. Actually, the same could be said of us when we're sober.

So, basically we search facebook for things to become fans of... random and unusual is encouraged, lying is discouraged. I still question her new found fondness of lions. I know it's only amusing to us, and I'm sorry if we've been blowing up your newsfeed with notifications like "Robin has just become a fan of Everything" followed by "Ceci has just become a friend of Everything And More!". It keeps us pretty busy.

I also went with my BFF Rhondy to El Campo to see Roger Creager. It was Rhondy's first time and I think I made a believer of her. It was fricking awesome. It's a public blog so these are the only details you get: We made new friends, almost stole a school bus, had a fan pointed at me, and Rhondy learned to dance. Not in that order. Check the pictures on the book. Sorry, myspace.

ETA: As I was writing this, a brilliant idea came to me. So perfectly brilliant that I couldn't believe that neither of us had thought of it earlier. I made a fan page for Robin. Then I giggled for about 30 minutes until she got home, logged into the book, and saw "Ceci became a fan of Robin". Seconds later I received the congratulatory IM. So, it's officially over. I am the undefeated champion of a game I created. Of course, Robin then made a fan page for me...

Friday, January 16, 2009

Once again, Not What I Was Hoping For

Let me preface this by saying that I love Robin. Luh-huve her. She is honestly one of the funniest, most creative and intelligent people I know. I'm proud to call her one of my best friends.

Hopefully, you read our IM transcript in which I come across as a complete idiot as Robin's joke goes right over my head. If you haven't read it, please do so before continuing.

Before we signed off last night (the conversation occurred last night, I've been postdating) I tell her that she should take video of Eli jumping for me. So, imagine my excitement when she gets online tonight and tells me she has a video to email me. Excited, right?

Now, imagine my reaction when I see this:

Haha... OH MY GAWD!!!

Ok, Oscar sitting up on her hind legs is stinkin' adorable, there's no denying that.

But, the damn Mexican Jumping Bean isn't frickin' jumping!!! There is absolutely no action in this video outside of camera movement! She might as well had sent me a frickin' picture of the bean!

Hopefully I can try to convince her to try again. Sigh.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Big Fish Story (Thanksgiving 08)

Somehow my dad got stuck on the Girl's Boat with my mom, Cookie, and myself. After a while, I'm the only one that hasn't hooked anything and I'm getting pretty damn impatient. I alternate between calling "Here, fishie-fishies!" when I cast and declaring, "I suck at this!" repeatedly.

We see a boat approaching and it's the Boy's Boat! (Papa, Uncle Neal, and Steve) My mom tells them she's caught a few, but no keepers. Cookie tells them she's caught a few, one keeper. I raise my beer and say "I caught a buzz!" They laugh and head back to the house.

Not long after this, I feel a nibble so I 'set the hook' and holy shit. "Ahhhh! I think I got something big!" I know I'm not really the strongest, but reeling this thing in became a serious work out. I shoved the end of the pole in my belly button and tried to hold the rod up as I reeled, but it wasn't working. My dad sees what's going on and comes over to help me hold the rod up and after about 20 minutes I finally pull in a 31 inch 18 pound Black Drum.

My dad decided it was too big too eat, it would be mealy. So, after we tied it to the boat to take back to the house to show Papa and weigh it, we let my monster fish go.

For about a week after this, I complained of internal injuries. My stomach was bruised and any movement/bending was not pleasant... totally worth it.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

So, uh, What's Going on in Your Neck of the Woods?

OK, I know I said I was going to stop posting videos in-lieu of actual posts, but this is just too frickin' hilarious not to share.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Mexican Jumping Beans by Ceci & Robin

Ceci: Be funny so I can just cut and paste our IMs like back in the day
robin: Haha oh jesus
No pressure
Ceci: aaaand, go!
robin: Ok
So, um

15 minutes later:
Robin: I bought these Mexican jumping beans at the Houston airport
as I was flying out
Ceci: hahah
Robin: 3 came in a box
I named them Eli, Ichabad and Jennifer
Jennifer is dead
Ceci: Those aren't Mexican names
Robin: Eli is still kicking it when it gets warm
Like right now
I hear him
Ceci: I think you're doing it wrong
Robin: I'm sure I am
Ceci: How did Jennifer die?
Robin: Well... it got really cold here
I tried to keep them warm, but she was the smallest
and you're supposed to water them once a week
I might have lapsed on that
Ceci: What?
Robin: Yeah
They're caterpillars. Really...
They can't dry out
Ceci: Shut up!
Real ones?
Robin: Yeah
Ceci: I'm googling this
Robin: I had to research it
They're pretty cool
Ceci: But apparently not cool enough to properly care for
Robin: Shut up!
I'm a busy person
This is the company that I bought them from
They play REALLY annoying music
You must listen to
Ceci: They're sold out! I have to wait until June to get some!
Robin: I know
I'm going to buy more then
Ceci: They also sell coffee....
Robin: oh jesus
I wouldn't drink it
Jennifer's relatives
Ceci: Moth eggs!
Robin: Are in it
Ceci: Are in what?
Robin: coffee
Ceci: You put them in coffee??
Robin: NO!
Ceci: That can't be good
Robin: I'm just assuming
Ceci: You said "Jennifer's relatives are in it"
Are in what?
Robin: coffeee!
Ceci: Wait
I think I get it now
Robin: My god
Ceci: You're saying they put
Robin: About fucking time
Ceci: Hahah
Robin: Hahaha
Ceci: Rejected moth eggs in the coffee
Robin: Good
Ceci: Right?
Robin: Yes
Reject it
Ceci: OK. I'm with you now
Robin: Don't take it
Say no to jumping bean coffee
Ceci: Hahah, but...
Yeah, it's probably better not to
Robin: Only Eli jumps
I think I killed the other one
Damn it
They were $2
Ceci: How do you keep killing them?
Robin: Well... they weren't supposed to live beyond Dec
Ceci: Oh
Robin: and it's not exactly Mexico climate here
Ceci: Well, then... Congrats!
Robin: haha thanks
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