Truth.

STD (Shit To Do) * Not in chronological order*

The boring list:

• Find dress for Saturday's wedding (Weds or Friday)
  
• Do not accumulate any more bruises, scratches, or boo-boos (and hope current ones fade) before wedding on Saturday
• Hair cut/trim. (Weds? Early Thurs?)
• Eye brows waxed (Weds? Early Thurs?)
  
• Meeting with nice lady (Weds 11:15am)
  
• Do not go to jail (Ever)
  
• Community service (No idea)
• Buy replacement cords for all the ones Auggie has used as chew toys
  
• Get rid of this cold. Do I need antibiotics?
• Update Auggie's blog (Coffee time?)
  
• Rabies vaccination for Auggles so she can stay in the best pet hotel EVER while I'm at the wedding because everyone I know will be at the wedding and can't petsit. (Weds 2:45)
• Give Otis a bath and vacuum.
  
• Take Otis to shop and figure out why driver's side blinker will light up, but not blink and fix brake light. (I already tried replacing bulbs, it's a bigger problem than that.)
• Also replace (glue) the rear view mirror than fell off of the windshield and scared the shit out of me.
  
• Get Otis inspected.
  

The exciting list:

• Pick up Wedding Date/World's Best Brother from airport (Thursday, noon o'clock)
• Dinner, drinks, and live music with parentals and WBB (Thursday evening/night)
  
• Watch Jacey get a pedicure or dinner or drinks or coffee or something (Weds evening)
• Drinks with friend who will not be named because they don't comment on my blog (Later Weds night)
• Kindly remind Scott to email me more than three pictures so I can blog about trip to Vegas.
  
• Hopefully meet up with Rhondy if she's in town (Friday)
• Spend lots of quality time with WWB and friends (Thurs-Mon)
• Ben & Tiffani's wedding! (Saturday)
• Get ready for Robin's Spring Break in Seattle!!
• Find a new book to read because I FINALLY finished one today.
• Come up with more exciting blog content
  

What's on Gobbles' Head?

If you love drunk dialing as much as I do- that's not sarcasm... I really do love it- dialing and receiving, you're going to love drunk picture messaging!

So, imagine my excitement when I heard the designated picture message ring tone at 1:30 in the morning, I knew it was going to be good. Except it was nothing. "Picture Message Failed!" I'm told, with a loud beep just in case I wasn't paying attention. I replied with a text to ask my buzzed little photog to try again. The phone rings, she can't figure out why it won't send. Maybe she can email me the picture from her phone, but I have to promise to put it on my blog.

I'm not one to break a promise, so I'd like you to meet Gobbles and his new hat that was bought for him in a bar bathroom. Ain't he cute?

Insert Witty Title Here

Still not a huge fan of Stars. The place bills itself as the 'only real sports bar in Katy'. I call it sterile and oddly set up. But, UT won (!!) so in celebration I drank enough to not really care that the place is just weird. They also have MCDs, that's mini-corn dogs for those of you that don't nickname everything you see. MCDs are awesome, but you'll have to take my word for it, because I'm not sharing. Aaaaand, I was able to use my credit card and will check my Rapid Rewards account soon to let you know if it actually works. Which, in hindsight, I probably should have done before I posted a blog raving about the program. Ehh....

Resolution update: I just finished a book, I Just Want My Pants Back. It's good, I'd recommend it. I'm starting a new book I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, that I know nothing about. I just saw it on the self at Half Price Books and thought the title was funny. A week later, I saw it on my brother's bookshelf (bathroom window sill) in Denver and he said it wasn't very good.... we'll see.

Frequent Flier Miles at the Bar?!?

I know I've talked a whole mess of shit about Southwest Airlines in the past, mainly about their boarding process, calling them Greyhound with wings. If you're unfamiliar with SWA, their boarding procedure used to be a free for all. They don't assign seats to passengers. You weren't able to check in until you arrived at the gate, and when they announced boarding and the jetway was bombarded by idiots thinking if they boarded first it would somehow make them better than the other 200 passengers going to the same damn place. It was just a huge mess.

They must read my blog, because they completely changed their boarding process, allowing passengers to check-in on line 24 hours in advance (like all other airlines) and they created 'boarding groups' eliminating the mass rush to the jetway. It completely changed the whole SWA experience. So, I gave them another chance, signed up for their "Rapid Rewards Program" and flew about 10 times with them last year.

I told you that to tell you this: They just introduced a new branch of their Rapid Rewards Program just for people like me that don't want to get a SWA Credit Card, but would still like to earn points for spending money on things other than SWA flights. It's the Rapid Rewards Dining program, where you register your credit/debit cards and earn 1/4 of a point for every $100 you spend at quailifying restaurants, bars, and clubs.

I know what you're thinking, 1/4 of a point? Laaaame. Well, here's where you're wrong. It only takes 16 points to get a free flight. The program is still fairly new, so new establishments are being added frequently. They just added Stars, not my favorite bar, but I'll go there for free flight credits. I'm going there tonight to watch the UT game.

If they add Los Cucos and Einsteins, I'd have free flights for life.

This is amazing!

Some drunk genius is trying to save us from sending emails we may regret. This reminds me of my idea for a cell phone with a built-in breathalyzer I had a few years ago.

Dear Austin,

I raided your closet while you were in Dallas.


xoxo,
c

Dear Absolut,

You need to work on your apology skills. Seriously.

The ad:

Apology Attempt #1

Apology Attempt #2

I love that they state that they received "several comments". That should read "several thousand comments".

Adventures in Doggie-Sitting

This started out as an email to Jacey... so, technically... it's a letter. :)

I am going to kill Roux! My parents left with another couple yesterday morning to go on an overnight trip to Fredericksburg that involves them stopping at every winery on the way there... and back. They even found a boutique hotel that's also a brewery to stay in last night. I gotta admit, I'm pretty impressed at their level of commitment.

The house phone rings at 5pm last night, and the conversation goes something like this:

Ring, ring.
Me: "Hello."
Goo: "Heeeeeeey, Lucy! Are you at home?"
Me: "Are you seri...."
Goo: "Oh! I called the home number! HAHAHahahahahhahahahah (and then it becomes muffled... then I hear her companions laughing hysterically with/at her.)"
Me: "Hello? Goo? Hell-loo? Goo!"
Dad: "hahah Hellllloooo! hahah Guess haha what haaa?"
Me, going out on a limb: "I don't know, does it have anything to do with alcohol?"
Car full of drunkies: "Hahahahha!"

So, they're probably all in jail. Anyway, Roux kept me up ALL night. Randomly barking at NOTHING. I finally moved out to the couch to try to sleep with her because I didn't want the bed stinking like doggie... and needless to say the couch just isn't big enough for a neurotic dog, an obese cat, and a cranky me. I think I got a grand total of 3 hours of sleep.

Also, the damn dog managed to escape the back yard TWICE yesterday. I've doggie-proofed the gates and fence so well that if the flea bag manages to escape again, I think she's earned the freedom.

Dearest Tequila,

I feel as though you have gotten a bad wrap after Shondala Rhondala's party. I've received phone calls, emails, and text messages from people that once considered you a friend but now shudder when they speak your name.

I just want you to know that I'm not mad at you. I mean, sure... you somehow erased my memory from 11pm-4am, and I know I was awake at 4am because my cell phone tells me I called three of my friends at that unreasonable hour. I talked to two, the third may be upset with me. And you probably had something to do with my wallet becoming a dog's new chew toy. You probably even had a hand in me deciding I didn't need to wear my shoes and subsequently cutting my foot.

But I just can't stay mad at you, old friend. Let the others curse your name and vow to never play with you again, I'm still here for you. Let's face it, if I was going to be mad at you, it would have happened a looong time ago. I do suggest we slow down our relationship, though.

Your BFF,
c

Dear Rhonda,

Surprise!

Love,
Your Favorite Bartender ;)

I can't believe you peed in the parking lot of Good Times

Week in review:

Drove to Austin Saturday night to see my Rhondy! Rhondy and I got some alone time before meeting her friends for her Birthday party and had dinner at Champions where we sang along (loudly) to the Queen ringtone of the guy who didn't like to answer his phone at the next table. From our table, and without acknowledgement, we also joined their conversation about Buzzard Preservation. (We're Pro-Buzzard) This is before we started drinking.

Enter Sixth street, a magical land where pretty ladies are corralled into bars for free shots. The smoking ban doesn't bother me in Austin because you spend as much time outside deciding which bar you're going to next as you do actually in the bars. At least it doesn't bother me now, last summer when it was a hundred and ten degrees at midnight, it was unacceptable. A few of the bars seemed desperate enough to keep people in to buy another drink that they let us dirty degenerate smokers light up. Cue Iron Maiden. "Breakin' the law... breakin' the law".

Sunday, the weather was crappy for driving and I was all hopped up after watching the Texans/Titans game (Woooo!) so I decided to stay another night. Monday I drove to the OKT, repacked and made it to the airport just in time to grab a seat on the last plane to Denver.

Tuesday we had lunch at a really good pizza place on Broadway. If I could remember the name I would recommend the spinach pizza. Weido and I met my good friend Scott at Wymans for a few drinks, where Scott hurt my feelings, no my soul, by saying that Good Times is better than Whataburger. I'm afraid Weido and I weren't good company as we were both easily distracted by ESPNs year in sports countdown and then running from TV to TV to determine what the hell the Astros were trading Willy Taveras, Taylor Buchholz, and Jason Hirsh for. Two pitchers from the Rockies, as it turns out. Boo. Then Weido took me to Good Times because I had never had one of their burgers, even though I had just been involved in a lengthy dispute about them. Whataburger is better. Good Times has awesome fries, though. But no one goes to Whataburger for fries! Either way, the rest of my time in Denver I had to listen to Weido tell me how awesome Scott is.

Then we met Travis back at the house to watch Talladega Nights because everytime I told someone that I hadn't seen it yet, they yelled, "You have to see it! You'll love it." Eh. Raquela, Rachel, and Erin met us and we went in search of my friends and found some of them at Cheers. No, not that Cheers- although almost everyone knew my name. Our group immediately commandeered all the gaming tables- I spent most of the night throwing darts, but took a break to let someone else win and played pool with the kitchen guys. Travis made a new friend in some crackhead that spontaneously yelled "WAAAAH!" at the beginning and end of every sentence and my sweet rear end made a new friend that followed me around buying me drinks. He was annoying and at one point I think someone told him Weido was my boyfriend so he would quit slappin' my ass. Goodbye free drinks.

On the way home we stopped to get doughnuts for the girls and found the greatest breakfast burrito EVER. EVER. I want to go to Denver right now to get one. Then we watched Talladega nights again. Ha! (it's funny when you've been drinking).

I didn't do much on Weds because what good is a vacation if you don't actually take some time to relax. We (and by we I mean Travie and Kenny G) did get a futon for Weido ("That's pure comfort right there") and I picked up a pizza and watched Talladega Nights with Kenny G. The kids in that movie are phenomenal.

Thursday, Travie was kind enough to wake up at 5:30 to drive me to the airport before his class and I finally made it to the OKT just before 4pm after a two hour divert to Austin due to fog in Houston. Laundry, repack, back to the airport. I'm in Chattanooga now. Some day I will spend more than 12 hours in the OKT. And thanks again to Travie and Mark for taxiing me around all week and to Scott for meeting us and for the drinks! (my tab was pretty cheap, so I'm assuming you paid for some)

Pics from Mashed Potato Day and Rockport

(Click on photos to view larger)

1. Booze cruise with Lady, Zach, Lindsey, and Uncle Steve.
2. Dinner with the Duncans and Epps in Rockport
3. Surprise! It's my favorite brother!
4. Cousin Taylor and I prepare for Wishbone Throwdown '06
5. I lost.