Wednesday, April 30, 2008

This day in Ceci History: "Starbucks is Evil"

Lifted from LJ April, 30 2002

Anyway... I was kind of near the front of the store when I heard a man yelling at Starbucks, not in Starbucks, at Starbucks. (Starbucks closes an hour later than BN on weekends), so I go to sneak a peek through the gate with Josh. Sure enough, some freak in a suede vest with fringe is throwing a fit. Josh explains that he comes in about twice a year and goes insane.

"You're all evil! Starbucks is evil!" He repeats this about four times then pulls a f..king GUN out of the back of his pants. Josh and I take a step back, and the (10?) customers in SB all freeze. He puts the gun on a table and warns the employees behind the counter that if any of them call the police, he'll shoot them all.

He's paid absolutely no attention to Josh and I, so we run to the phone and call 911, then rush back to watch the show. He's holding the gun again, not really pointing it at anyone, just holding it. He moves closer into the store, and some of the customers run out of the store! The guy doesn't see this, he's concentrating on the employees, Mindy and Ryan. While he's up in Mindy's face, Ryan motions the rest of the customers to leave the store. Of course, they do... but just stand out side watching!

The Freak realizes that everyone is outside, (why didn't they leave?!?) and someone is a little too close to his bicycle. He runs outside, "EVIL! Get away from my bike!" While he's stroking and comforting his bicycle, the customers all run back inside and Ryan locks the freak outside. (Still no cops) We open the gate and let them into our store... they're all really freaked out and don't understand why we aren't. (Neither do we...) Now the freak is pissed at us for helping the "evil ones".

He puts the gun back in his pants and pulls out... a big ass flashlight! He shines it on all of us, screaming, "You helped the EVIL ONES! You can't save them from my rap!" I start cracking up... I'm not sure if he meant "wrath" or if he was going to delight us with a song. He does not appreciate the giggling.

He reaches into his pants again and he pulls out a very small flash light! Now he's got one in both hands. He acts like he's going to throw the big flashlight into the window a few times, and we all squeal and duck, but never actually throws them. All the sudden he runs to his bike and starts to ride towards Hwy 6. It's not the cops, just our loser security guard. Where the hell has he been for the last 20 minutes? Of course, he's not allowed to leave the damn parking lot, so the freak rides away.

Fifteen minutes later, the SB employees and customers have left and we've gone back to recovering the store. I spot a cop car pull into the parking lot with it's trunk up. They caught the freak and put his bike in the trunk... classic. We all go outside to meet the cops... one asks Ryan if he can identify the suspect as the same man that made the threats. "Nope... different sickf..k with a fringed vest and blue bicycle." We all laugh, even the cop, who shrugs and says, "I have to ask."

Everyone gets to tell the story to the cops, quite fun... as the cops were leaving the same one asks if he can get a Starbucks bag. "No problem, what for?" "We need something to put his belongings in." Holy hell, if I ever go to jail I want my belongings in a Starbucks bag. How official.

He takes his Starbucks bag, and starts to get back into the Copmobile... "Oh, if it makes you guys feel any better, it wasn't a real gun."

But the flashlights... the flashlights were REAL!


Tink *~*~* said...

Well, holy crap on toast! All that pants reaching, and all he keeps bringing out are flashlights and guns. That's just disappointing. :D

Tink *~*~*

MamaNoFun said...

Yeah, it always made me feel safe that my little girl worked at a book store and not someplace dangerous.... like a coffee shop.
The funniest part was people hiding from a gun behind a pane of glass. I guess SB customers are not the smartest blades in the grinder.

Jacey said...

Whoa. Craziness. Makes for a great story, though.

Anonymous said...

Wow! You are a great story-teller!

Anonymous said...

As I recall, Ceci....this is not your only run-in with a dude with a gun. Didn't you headbutt someone in a courtyard of a hotel once when he tried to get your purse?? You are my Hero. Obviously, Double C did not run away when she could have, else the dtory would not have been so GOOD!

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